Affair rumination

I was diagnosed with PTSD from military sexual trauma a few years ago but have struggled with OCD and ADHD as a young girl like 5/6, and 2 years ago found out my husband had been hiding an affair. I can’t get over it. I’m supposed to start EMDR next week and I am scared about it making it worse. I’m scared to divorce and scared to start because I keep “knowing” it will happen again. I can’t stop obsessing over the things they did and the other woman. Then it worsens my ROCD I can’t stop bringing it up. Im arguing all the time it’s like I need to talk about it because I need to know he understands and I need a guarantee it won’t happen again and I haven’t slept more than 3-6 hours in quite literally 3 years. It never ends . Any time we are together now I am constantly obsessing over things being off. I’m living in a prison in my own head and I desperately want to get out because I need to make the best decision for myself and my kids. Has anybody had any luck healing from CPTSD comorbid OCD?? I feel like they’ll both feed each other off my soul until there’s nothing left

Relationship OCD

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

I’m so incredibly sorry. I have CPTSD and OCD and possible ADHD as well

Peaceful wis...

Date posted: 11h

You won’t be free until you leave him. He is stopping your body and mind from healing. Each day is taking a step back. You deserve someone who respects you and you WILL find that. It will hurt leaving him and "starting over" but starting over is better than a life sentence. Good luck :) xx

MHG924

Date posted: 11h

@Peaceful wishes I dont know the marriage counselor says that he changed and he hasn’t had an affair since and it was one night and I just can’t get over it i dont know if its just me and OCD ruining my chances of getting over it or something i really can’t get over

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@MHG924 One persons experience doesn’t mirror another’s. Your choices are your own and these issues are incredibly complex

MHG924

Date posted: 10h

@NatSwai He is diagnosed bipolar2 and borderline personality disorder. I was managing my OCD for some years through therapy and ever since I’ve been so stressed it just keeps growing and growing. It’s got such a bad physical effect on me. I just can’t stop worrying about the risk and the risk and the risk with his conditions especially and it’s like I can’t let go but can’t stay and I am just worries that the EMDR that I’ve heard is great for Trauma might be bad for the OCD. And the ERP therapy might be really bad for the trauma . It’s so scary living in fear and obsession and never being able to shake the thoughts that cause you so much distress. I used to be so positive I feel like I’m losing myself and I just want to get back to myself because my babies need to know who their mom is. My daughter has only known this person and my son spent 2 amazing years with the woman I was and then watched her deteriorate

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10h

@MHG924 I’m so sorry and I empathize with you. Id argue that ERP actually helps with trauma but it depends a lot on each individual person of course. Focus on what you can control and give it your best shot

Peaceful wis...

Date posted: 11h

I’ll add that I can say this from personal experience. I left a 11yr marriage with two kids under 5. He groomed me at 17 and he was 27. He controlled everything. I left. I did it. Believe in yourself x

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