Please I’m begging can someone reply😭

@lemonmuffin I’m waiting for therapy I have been for months😭

@lemonmuffin How come you deleted your comments?? :(

@Fcukocd Because you deleted yours so it will look like I’m talking to myself here

@lemonmuffin I didn’t delete mine they’re still here :(

@Fcukocd Then it’s an app bug I’m sorry 😖

@lemonmuffin It’s okay😔

@Fcukocd Why? You didn’t say anything wrong?

@lemonmuffin I don’t know some people here aren’t very accepting or understanding of POCD, someone once asked me “why did you have a daughter if this is an issue for you” and ever since then i kinda overthink

@lemonmuffin Thanks for what u said about from an objective perspective that this is telling that I’m a great parent, I really appreciate it :(

@Fcukocd You are though

@Fcukocd But don’t pressure yourself thinking about it if you have “morning glories” let it be and it will pass

@lemonmuffin Thank you :(

@Fcukocd Did you have POCD when you got your daughter or you developed it afterwards?

@lemonmuffin I’ll try, it’s gonna be a thing that scares me now, like if I wake up with morning glory I’ll be scared of thinking about or getting intrusive thoughts about my daughter while it’s there, I hate ocd so much 😔

@lemonmuffin I developed it afterwards, about 2/3 weeks after she was born, I’ve had bouts with it in the past maybe 2/3 years ago but it came back after my baby was born :(

@Fcukocd Don’t need to think about her while you have it

@lemonmuffin Yeah, I’m just not gonna do that compulsion anymore :(

@lemonmuffin I was always so scared to have a baby because of OCD and I was scared when I found out about the surprise pregnancy cos I was worried it would come back and then it did 😔

@Fcukocd May I ask how old are you? Everyone who has OCD has some fears you’re not the only one don’t worry.

@lemonmuffin I’m 23 :(

@Fcukocd Bro you’re so young you’re literally gonna get better ❤️‍🩹 I promise

@lemonmuffin Thanks I really hope so cos this is torture, every single day is worse than the last, I see my daughter and ocd will ruin it for me, most nights I wake up soaked in sweat and feeling so anxious I could scream, most days I cry my eyes out, it’s just too much I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, sometimes the anxiety gets so bad I feel like I’m gonna pass out and in the past I actually have😔

@Fcukocd I do feel too sometimes that this condition has no escape but when I see so many conquerors here there is hope

@lemonmuffin I hope I can become one one day, cos right now it’s beating me😔

@lemonmuffin That must be a pain not being able to be on medication, my ocd tends to juggle between harm ocd soocd and pocd :(

@Fcukocd I heard that therapists here on NOCD are perfect, did you have sessions with them?

@lemonmuffin I haven’t I can’t afford it unfortunately:(

@Fcukocd Instead of using ( emoji, try to use :) because you do have hope

@lemonmuffin I’ll try it’s just hard to because I couldn’t be further from being able to smile rn

@Fcukocd Well you did share in previous posts that you were gonna see her yesterday, how did that go if i may ask?

@lemonmuffin It went well, I was really anxious and was struggling with groinal hyper awareness and tension but it was good to see her she was really happy n smiling a lot, I missed her a lot so I had cuddles with her and told her I loved her

@Fcukocd Bro OCD really is shit especially when you read this last part of the sentence you wrote, so cute

@lemonmuffin Yeah, it just ruins it all :(

@lemonmuffin Someone replied to my comment here and then deleted it before I saw it and it’s making me ruminate n think they said something bad about me😔

@Fcukocd Go for a walk, fresh air will help you, hang out with someone so you’re not alone with your thoughts, talk to us when you need to but don’t be on this app all the time, i don’t know its just a lot (i don’t mean that you’re a lot its just a lot of info at once especially when you’re struggling with your own thoughts)

@Fcukocd Even if they did why would you care you don’t even know them nor worth spending your energy on it

@lemonmuffin Yeah I’ll try go for a walk, I don’t have anyone to hang out with though :( n yeah I’ll try not to spend so much time on the app

@lemonmuffin I just don’t want anyone to think as badly of me as I think of myself😔

@Fcukocd Was it this comment where i asked you how was it with your daughter?

@lemonmuffin I’m not sure it was gone before I could see it :(

@Fcukocd A lot of people struggle with thoughts that their comment will be ignored or if they wrote something wrong, so don’t think the worst in the 1st place

@lemonmuffin I’ll try😔

@lemonmuffin Today is such a bad day all I wanna do is cry😔😭

@Fcukocd Then do it get it out of your system, thats what every Doctor would tell you

@lemonmuffin Okay😭it’s just so difficult to deal with because the groinal responses only really happen with my own daughter and not other people’s children, and that just makes me ruminate more😭

@Fcukocd Its because thats the biggest trigger and the most special person to you not because you want it

@Fcukocd You know that OCD sticks to stuff we respect and love the most?

@lemonmuffin Yeah it’s just hard to remember😔

@Fcukocd Im studying medicine and i don’t even understand OCD but i do understand that it brings the biggest guilt and anxiety and people with it are really brave for fighting it

@lemonmuffin Thanks😔 I just wish this ocd would stop all I want is for it to stop😔 I want to be happy to be a father not scared😔😭

@Fcukocd You will be eventually as i said you’re really young im a bit younger than you and it just matters that you have a goal and a wish and you’ll be alright eventually

@lemonmuffin I hope so😔

@Fcukocd Good and be positive don’t let it drain you do something fun go for fresh air 10 mins of fresh air instead of phone is gonna make you feel better

@lemonmuffin I’ll try play a game :(

@Fcukocd Good !!! 🥳

@lemonmuffin Hate it tho tbh cos when I play games the groinal response gets worse at times :(

@lemonmuffin The person replied to the post and thankfully they didn’t say anything bad, I feel a little better for that I guess, still anxious because of what I posted about though :(

@Fcukocd Your “groinal response” as i can medically describe it is just a sensation of anxiety that someone can feel in their chest, their stomach, their head, but since you have POCD you have it there. It doesn’t make you weird its just a human nervous system how it works

@Fcukocd When you play games the adrenaline gets you and then nervous system works there instead of maybe in your stomach, that doesn’t mean you’re weird

@lemonmuffin Thanks :( I hate having groinal response I really do, I just had it to a smell that reminded me of my daughter it happens so easily😔

@Fcukocd Because of a trigger aka anxiety

@lemonmuffin Yeah 😔

@Fcukocd Are you european? Im asking Because you said you can’t afford the therapy on here which i understand because i can’t either since one session is a whole fortune

@lemonmuffin I am, I’m from the UK

@Fcukocd Ah okay

@lemonmuffin Yeah, why do u ask if u don’t mind me asking

@Fcukocd Because im european

@lemonmuffin Oh I see

@Fcukocd Well you got tones of responses on this post hope you’ll remember some of the advices, if you wanna talk just write but don’t ask for reasurance since thats not how OCD is getting treated 💪🏻

@lemonmuffin Yeah, thanks for helping me today, today has been one of the worst days I’ve ever had with POCD, I just can’t wait for it to end and go to sleep, just hope I don’t wake up feeling as bad tomorrow as I did today

@Fcukocd Then go sleep

@lemonmuffin I will in. A few hours, it’s only 4pm and I don’t want to wake up alone in the middle of the night

@Fcukocd If you have reddit you can write me there sometime instead of filing your comments i can give you my username

@lemonmuffin I was banned from Reddit unfortunately a few years back for an argument I had with a subreddit mod over someone that was just being plain horrible to anyone and everyone, but I could try and make a new account and hope it doesn’t get banned again

@Fcukocd Aaa ok, my username is i think Sidney228

@lemonmuffin Okay I’ll try make a new account soon and I’ll follow you, I’ll just use the same username I have here, might not be able to keep it though cos Reddit unfortunately is very unmoderated and has a lot of triggering stuff for my SOOCD

@Fcukocd Aaa okay, im just not comfy sharing here personal info tho

@lemonmuffin Yeah that’s understandable, I wouldn’t be either

@lemonmuffin No it’s no problem at all don’t worry, appreciate anyone’s help regardless of gender

@Fcukocd Sameee

@Fcukocd Just write here tho when you make a new one since i don’t have the app on my phone directly so can’t see the noti

@lemonmuffin Okay I will, thank you, if my account gets banned again I’ll just make a post here that we can talk on

@Fcukocd Okay, it would be nice to talk and free our souls a bit from this

@lemonmuffin Yeah, I think I’ll sleep on it and try make an account in the morning

@Fcukocd Okay thank you

@lemonmuffin No problem

@lemonmuffin Hi again I had several groinal responses last night when I was innocently trying to admire and think about my daughter laughing and it felt like a single pulse more than once and it’s rly bothering me😔😔

@Fcukocd Thats anxiety, i feel it in my chest as every person feels it somewhere else its not that you were “aroused” or something its just as i said human nervous system

@lemonmuffin Yeah it’s just making me ruminate so much because I’ve had that with real arousal before and ocd is making me connect the 2😔

@Anonymous Thanks I really hope so, I just wanna feel like a good parent and feel like I deserve my daughter and be what I need to be for her instead of being a shell of a man that is constantly scared and crying and shaking😔

@help🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 It’s okay, I’m just so exhausted I wouldn’t wish pocd on anyone😔

@Fcukocd I’m so mentally and physically drained 😢😢

@help🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Me too 😔

@Scarlet5 Hi yeah it was me, I just got worried that you thought of me as a bad person because of my post, I never saw what you said unfortunately:( I saw ur religious posts and worried that maybe I offended you, or made you think of me as a bad person

@Fcukocd I’m really sorry for commenting on your post, I just started ruminating a lot because of the taboo nature of this post, I worried that you might have been either offended or thought as badly of me as I think of myself :(

@Scarlet5 What was your response :(

@Scarlet5 Thank you so much :( i really appreciate that :( unfortunately I didn’t see it, is there any way you could copy and paste it here?

@Scarlet5 Yeah someone did once, most likely is why I worry so much that other people will too

@Scarlet5 Okay, you should be able to see your posts and replies by clicking on the profile icon in the top right corner, and then tapping my posts and replies, it should bring up your comment, and clicking on the three dots in the top right of your comment will give you the option to copy it, hope that helps

@Scarlet5 Okay you may need to scroll a little bit to find it, don’t stress yourself out though if you can’t find it it’s okay

@Scarlet5 Okay it’s okay :( can you not find it

@Scarlet5 Okay that’s okay, I read your post about cross contamination OCD, I’m sorry to hear that you go through that, I imagine cross contamination OCD is as debilitating for you as POCD is for me

@Scarlet5 Yeah, ocd is OCD at the end of the day, it is extremely difficult but I try my best to fight it, just unfortunately I get days like today that are extremely bad days

@Scarlet5 Thank you, I appreciate you :(

@Scarlet5 I’m exactly the same, therapy is so expensive, I’m waiting for government funded therapy but it’s been months and there’s no end in sight :(

@Scarlet5 That must be so exhausting :(

@Scarlet5 That’s such a shame, NOCD should offer help regardless and accept cash regardless of what insurance you have

@Scarlet5 Life and ocd is genuinely so cruel I’m sorry to hear you have to go through that :(

@Scarlet5 Im sorry to hear about your relationship that must be so painful:( and I’m from the uk so there’s NHS treatment it just takes a while

@Scarlet5 Hopefully the referrals will help, I wish u the best of luck with them

@Scarlet5 I have, I can send you a link to a UK based support group if you want? It’s uk based but you don’t have to be from the UK to attend

@Scarlet5 It’s not, it’s more of a talking support group where you can get things off your chest

@Scarlet5 The next one is on 23rd December at 7pm UK time, I’m not sure what time that is for you but I’m sure google can help, and I can’t say I have seen the Patrick McGrath podcasts but if it’s good I should probably look into it

@Illyas It’s okay, groinal responses are something I wouldn’t wish on anyone so im happy to hear that you don’t experience it

@Fcukocd Check my post, I kind of dive into it.

@Illyas What’s the title of the post so I know which one I’m looking for

@Fcukocd New to POCD

@Illyas Okay

@Illyas I can’t see it :(

@Fcukocd It’s so weird, I feel like people are not seeing that post

@Illyas Try to repost it as a screenshot, I’ve had that problem quite a few times, it seems to happen a lot with posts relating to POCD

@Fcukocd Yeah seems like a lot of post are kind of erased for some reason