Are these BPD features or a trauma response?

I suffer from abandonment anxiety after a brutal discard from a narcissistic partner 2 years ago. It sabotaged my self image, crushed my self esteem, and pushed me into several identity crises. I sabotaged many potential friendships in fear of being not enough for them. I have issues with my identity where my personality shifts depending on the day and who I’m talking to. I impulsively purchase things without caring about the financial impact it’ll have on me and my family to cope with my feelings. (before I even dated him) I have intensive mood swings where I’m happy, then sad, then scared, then angry, all in the span of 10 minutes… This was a result of my PTSD in full force after being stalked and falsely accused of something I didn’t do, triggering a manifestation of emotions all at once. I still experience paranoia and feel like there’s more than one person inside of me. And I don’t know who is what, I even told my therapist, the same person you’re talking to today might not be the same person tomorrow.

Young adults with OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 21h

This is a lot of trauma you're dealing with. I'm really sorry all of these things happened to you. :( It's helpful that you understand these issues are present for you and that it's not your fault that these things happened. How has your therapist been helping you with this? Do you think they have been helping? Do you have any new coping strategies that you've been practicing?

Anxious Chao

Date posted: 20h

@BigGyro09 My NOCD specialist told me that partial hospitalization might be needed but I don’t really want to go through that again as it might make my PTSD even worse. They’re putting me back on medication but the problem is once I took them as prescribed I felt nausea and vomited in my moms car on my way to the emergency room, then I fainted in the ER and all my vitals came back normal I probably had dehydration but I’m not sure where the effects came from. I proceeded to vomited even more after the appointment ended.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19h

@Anxious Chao It sounds like the medication isn't helping too much. Did they say why partial hospitalization is necessary? I'm assuming you have done this already, but if you haven't, it would really help to express your feelings about all of this. It's a lot, and what you've been doing through is a lot too. There should be one important way to address your PTSD in a careful way that helps you. What medication did you take that have you those harsh symptoms? Have you tried any SSRIs like Prozac or Lexapro?

Anxious Chao

Date posted: 18h

@BigGyro09 Hospitalization might be due to dissociative and derealization episodes where the brain is so traumatized it starts to develop delusions as a coping mechanism for that pain or specific identities but not actually DID. I have expressed my feelings I’ve had people diagnose me with psychosis instead of ocd but I don’t really know which is which for sure, as I have symptoms of both. I am on Zoloft and Abilify but haven’t taken them due to the side effects and want something lighter or even a liquid. My spending habits and addictions are still here. I’m still trying to fill this empty void that won’t go away.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 18h

@Anxious Chao Have you ever tried Prozac? If Lexapro isn't working well, that might. For OCD, I was told that SSRIs do the trick for treatment along with ERP. What about EDMR therapy? You've told me about how that can work for trauma very efficiently. I hope that's been working if you've been doing it. As for your spending habits, just be compassionate and patient with yourself. This is a lot. You're just doing the best you can with how you cope and escape these feelings and overwhelming symptoms. I don't blame you at all for it and you shouldn't blame yourself.

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