HOcD please help me

Please someone read the whole thing!! Im so scared and confused and someone just needs to tell me if what I’m experiencing is normal. So I g it out of my flare up like two weeks ago and when I didn’t feel lesbian anymore and wasn’t anxious around my friends and knew I didn’t have a crush on them I felt like flying. Literally it felt like I was flying! I felt great and amazing and carefree like I was so grateful. Well guess what. I go to my figure skating practice the girl who was the trigger for my first giant flare up was there and it got bad again. I got intrusive thoughts of having s*x with her and after some time it didn’t make me anxious anymore. In general the thought of being intimate with a woman doesn’t make me anxious or disgusted anymore but it always used to make me feel that way. And now I got triggered again because ea girl from my band is really pretty and I can’t look at her. It feels like I’m actually a lesbian but I don’t want to be. I don’t even know what to think anymore . There’s also a chance I don’t even have ocd and this is just my coming out and I just at can’t accept it. The intrusive thoughts don’t give me much anxiety anymore which really scares me bc that means I like them right? Also if I don’t feel disgusted by them anymore help. And I can’t watch shows anymore because I find the female actors pretty and yeah tahtvtroggers me. And I can’t look at a woman without getting an intrusive thought of having s*x with her and Issing her and it used to make me really anxious and I would cry but now I don’t get anxious anymore actually. And I could always say rhag I’d NEVER want to have a gf and that was always clear but now suddenly I’ve been questioning it so much that I’m not even sure if I would want one or if it’s just like that because I’ve never tried it. Oh and I can’t look at the people that trigger me anymore bc then I’ll think I’m in love with them.