Please help me

can somebody help me I’m currently having a panic attack I feel like such a bad person because while I was in a talking stage with my now current boyfriend I thought it was OK to leave my options open and kinda get to know other people and before I really got to lock in with my now current boyfriend I thought that all I would be good for was Situationships and friends with benefits and I didn’t really treat our early talking stage as really serious and I got really distant with him because I was scared that he would want a relationship out of me at that time, and it made me scared because whenever I got into a relationship in the past, I got this on waving feeling of guilt that I could never shake off until I broke up with that person so I just distance myself from him in the early stage because I was too scared and then when I decided I wanted to lock in with talking staging with him, I cut off all types with all the other people even though I kinda wasn’t really talking to other people at that point it was just him I don’t feel like I really don’t deserve him because the way I acted before I locked in with him and I got in a relationship with him. He is the first person that I’ve been in a relationship with that I never got the feeling of guilt like I did with my past ones and I don’t wanna mess it up. I know this is all sounding really erratic. I just wanna get my thoughts down and it’s hard to sound consistent when you’re having a panic attack, but I just need help. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have had my options open while I was talking with him because it’s a really shitty thing to do to talk to multiple people and then decided to lock him with one of them leave the other one behind. I don’t deserve him at all. Can somebody please give me their insight.

Relationship OCD

TheAvatoon

Date posted: Yesterday

In my opinion, everyone has their own boundaries and expectations in relationships (especially the talking stage). Strangers or situationships aren't really owed anything that wasn't established beforehand. One person could drop all their other options while another needs a little more time and space to decide, and that's entirely valid as long as transparency is made or no one is claiming exclusivity when that isnt the case. Don't be so hard on yourself when you're stressed and not thinking straight. That will cause you to spiral. Take some deep breathes and take a step back. You're doing better than you think.

Chvrryshoujo

Date posted: Yesterday

You’re okay to feel how you do. This is something new and different for you and I believe the guilt is coming from a place of your boundaries and mind space changing, which your OCD may be attacking because it’s something unfamiliar. I am currently in a new relationship and I basically feel the same way. It’s normal to have guilt but what I believe is that the OCD is amplifying that guilt. The important thing is that you changed, if you feel like you’re okay with where you’re at now and he is as well, then that’s what matters. You can’t change the past, neither can he, but you both can hold each other’s hand (support each other) and together you can build your relationship.

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