I feel like I desire the thoughts but the thought makes me tense up and feel nauseous but it still feels like I want it, I just want it to stop I’m fed up.

I feel exactly same

I did stuff when i was a kid and that is my proof. I mean i was child but i am using it against myself. I was actually kinda forced against my will but i still tell myself you liked it cuz you would not really have done it otherwise. We will always find proof in our past.

Ok sooo, best way to recover is to do active exposure work. After you do a practice session do not give your mind fear to the situation, stay in the exposure for long enough and continuously. This will help your anxiety rise and fall on its own. This will also give you confidence.bnext when you get the thoughts or feelings attribute them to ocd and not you and continue with the exposure. After you do this a bunch your feelings and anxiety will go down and you can see things in a better perspective

My thought would be if i lost my husband to this i would be alone for the rest of my life instead of live that way.

Do your steps to recover and these things will drop!:)

Prob because you are analyzing and ruminating

What thoughts r u referring to

Yeah i have the same theme

What feels real ?

Guys this is all ocd! The ocd will give you this to make you buy into this illness! But don't let it! Trust me when I say that when you disregard these things and keep doing your ERP, it will get better! But you need to do your steps. if you don't then this will get worse!

What are “steps” to recover cuz I’m struggling with how to even start

It's always more easy to have an ocd specialist to guide you through your specific case but in reality they are going to get you to do active ERP. So you should start now. If you find it difficult to do, then make a list of all of your compulsions and number the least anxiety provoking to most and then start at the bottom of the list for exposures. After doing one for a constant amount of time and you no longer feel anxiety for that then move to the next one.

I obsess about this theme too. And vaginas gross me out. But i have to keep thinking about it to make sure they still gross me out. It makes absolutely no sense. Like im gonna be forced to make this decision someday and i better be 110% sure of this. It almost feels like a life or death situation.

I understand totally. I guess we have to accept things could change in the future or they stay the same. It doesnt really matter. You would think that being grossed out is proof enough but the brain is super powerful i guess.

Yes. Im actually married. But theres a part of me that knows i still love him too. Im telling you our brains are so powerful they trick us into believing anything.