Anyone else relate

So I met this guy at the gym and thought he was cute. A couple days later his mutual friend was working at a place my friend and I went too, and my friend said he knows the guy from the gym & he hooked it up between us. A couple days after that, that mutual friend became my friend, and I hung out with him and my girl friend one day & he brought a different friend (who is my now husband). The other guy (the one I met at the gym) I liked him a lot. I just got out of a bad relationship & I wanted the perfect looking guy & he fit all that & I was into him. My husband now, who was a stranger then, told my friend he was into me and wondered if I was too, my friend asked and I said no. AND THEY ARE ALL IN THE SAME FRIEND GROUP I didn’t think he was cute or was into him then. My brain saw him as “shrek.” He was a bit bigger, and not my type. The other guy had the perfect body and was my type. I thought since I had a bad relationship, I need the perfect looking spouse now! I am bothered because I never liked having that mindset , I used to be bigger, & lost weight after my ex and I broke up & then I hooked up with guys to fill a void , I guess?? So I became obsessive with this guy. He never liked me, I never knew that Forreal or really took it seriously until my husband and I talked more. And I just feel shitty because I liked this guy so much and more than my husband and I worry he was good at kissing and sex but had a terrible personality. And I worry what if my kisses with him flowed better. My husband and I are working on things. We have a very healthy relationship, I just deal with heavy ocd thoughts & depression. I love him so much. I was basically FWB with the other guy for 3 years, and then finally ended things. Then I started talking to my now husband who was my friend & became a closer friend over time. The beginning of our relationship was rocky because I was still stuck on the perfect looking partner , I got the ick, and all the terrible things. We worked through it, and we got engaged and married and I’m sooo happy. But also side note I never got treated from this guy. I was the one who gave him things. He completely used me and I was dumb. I was also stuck in a big compulsion, that I had to prove I was sexy and was good at hooking up because my ex (the bad relationship) left me once after I was terrible at hooking up. He never said that was why, but I built that thought after our first hook up was bad & then he changed up on me. We later got back together and he was over protective and a little controlling abusive. With my husband I don’t have these urges like I did with the other guy. I just think man if the other guy was better and when he was the first week because they always pretend the first week. That I was so into him. I don’t have that with my husband, the honeymoon , fire stage. I’m just bothered that the fact is , his friend kissed better and was better at sex. It makes me feel guilty because I love my husband and I want us to be the best and it makes me feel guilty because I don’t want it but I can’t change the fact. And it’s also a friend of his, like great! How annoying. And that I also think he’s cute too. I feel guilty because I don’t want to tell my husband but I feel like I’m lying if I don’t. And how unfair is it for him to hear that. He is so amazing and doesn’t think of past spouses. And he has ocd, so he gets it. But he’s much more healed than I am. I just feel guilty, I wish this guy never happened so I could only have my husband .