Is this normal?

so I’m struggling. Ever since last weekI still feel numb with him. Like I’m faking it or anything he does is an “ick. When does that go away. I have no thoughts attached to this but the minute I wake up the feeling is there. The feeling leads to me thinking about what is happening. If these are my feelings trying to come out but now I’m getting crazy body effects. Sharp pains in my side of my armpit and headaches. I don’t want to end this with him. That’s not a thought that crosses my mind really. It’s just the feeling of fake, numb, loss of “attraction” idk. When is this supposed to be better. I don’t wanna feel this every day of every minute. I just want to be happy with him and i physically and mentally can’t. I keep thinking, maybe all this anxiety are my feelings trying to come out and I keep pushing them down but the thoughts of breaking up isn’t scary. I would be very sad but I know how to end something with someone, I have before. My last ex, I didn’t wanna be around him, hangout with him and I didn’t want him to touch/kiss me. It’s not like that at all with my current boyfriend. We hangout all the time and he comes over. Sometimes I get thoughts of I need space but I’m to scared to listen to that because what if I want that space forever. I just don’t get why I’m not attracted to him and I’m almost faking my feelings. I am struggling.

Relationship OCD

User type: Therapist

Date posted: Yesterday

Hello Anonymous33.154, I see you are struggling with distress surrounding your romantic relationship. Also, I see you are experiencing sensations and questioning if they mean something about your relationship with your boyfriend. A common compulsion with OCD is to engage in scanning, where we "check" internal sensations to see if they match what we believe they "should be". This process leads to increased distress over time, sensations in the body have multiple meanings i.e., heart racing could mean fear or attraction. Rather than trying to "figure it out" have you tried to sit with uncertainty? Were you able to let your distress pass? Did you struggle to start? At NOCD we are trained experts in the diagnosis and treatment of OCD and related conditions using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard of treatment for OCD and related conditions, with the better part of the past century's research backing the efficacy of ERP. If you would like more information on OCD and ERP, please visit our website at www.treatmyocd.com. If you are seeking to begin/resume your journey of recovery, you may reach out to our member advocate team at care@nocdhelp.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder

Anonymous33.154

Date posted: Yesterday

@Ian Reeder I have a therapist with you guys right now. I’ve been trying to use the uncertainty, “maybe, or maybe not” method but I’m not sure if my therapist does ERP, it’s just so hard when my feelings feel so real. Especially the not attracted and cringe part of things (the feeling) when I have no thoughts and my anxiety isn’t there. Just the feeling of not wanting to be around him, and thinking of breaking up (even tho I end up seen him later that day and I want him to say) I’m able to sit with the uncertainty when I have the anxious pounding heart rate and shortness of breathe. This all started before we started dating. Almost immediately from the start like the 2nd date I started getting thoughts were I was questioning if I was attracted to him, asking other people if they found him attractive or I if wanted to be something or what was going on, and even when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes but i hesitated.

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