ROCD success stories out there?

Hi folks. Are there success stories out there of those who suffer(ed) from ROCD? I just can’t tell whether it’s ROCD or if I’m just making excuses and calling otherwise anxiety/“doubts” something else because I’m afraid to face the music. I’ve worried about most things one could worry about in a relationship: if he likes me enough, if he has a porn addiction I don’t know about, if he’s settling for me, if he’s attracted to me, if I’m really his type. Now as things are getting serious, I’m obsessed with whether I like him enough or not. I’m dreading future-oriented things. I hesitated getting into a relationship with him from the start, as I went through a very traumatic divorce two years prior and felt nervous about him despite him being an extremely committed, kind, and healthy romantic partner. I dated others in the past that usually were clearly noncommittal and I held on, I think because those felt passionate or something. Unlike those guys, I always considered my current boyfriend as a serious contender for something long term, but nitpicked ridiculous things. Currently, he feels so far away from me right now that I don’t feel anything. He almost doesn’t feel real. These worries usually consume most of my brain power for a week or two and then subside. This one is really strong and it won’t let go, and it’s scaring me. Am I just a people pleaser? Too scared to say I want something else because I don’t know what it is? Or is this really ROCD? I’m really tired, and I can’t keep living life like this.

Relationship OCD

theanxiousgoose

Date posted: 2d

I think like all things, success is relative and will look different in different parts of your life. What I can say to you is as soon as I learned about ROCD, I recognized that okay: this is a legitimate disorder, you’re brain isn’t the only one doing this. Everything you just described feeling?? Yep. 100%. And man is it harder around the holidays when families and expectations get involved. I have about 0 answers. But I can say that once I was honest with my partner, and sought consistent treatment, I started being able to recognize reality a little better. It still sucks, but it will be okay, or maybe it won’t, but YOU certainly will be. Hang in there 💗

OCDisPartofMe

Date posted: 2d

@theanxiousgoose I like the way you said this. No matter what, they will be ok.

kmp88

Date posted: 2d

@theanxiousgoose Yeah, the holidays have been rough. The expectations of feeling lovey-dovey and intense gratitude are totally clouded by anxiety that things “aren’t as they should be.” I had heard that the doubts of ROCD are also OCD thoughts. But then I’m like — BUT REALLY? Haha, there’s no winning this way.

anon.aspirant

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

This is exactly what rocd feels like for me. The fear of it not really being ocd and just actually doubts you’re too afraid to address is a fear of mine as well, but as my therapist likes to tell me, this is just another ocd ploy to regain control of your mind. There’s no way to find out anything for sure, especially things as subjective and complex as attraction, relationships, and mental disorders. What I can tell you is that it does get better and it is possible to continue to be in a happy and committed relationship. Your thoughts do not define you or your relationship and there’s nothing you can do to ensure the future to want except to be present in the moment and do your best very day. Not always easy or very reassuring, but I believe in you!

kmp88

Date posted: 2d

@anon.aspirant Thank you! I’m so tired that I could sob. It totally affects my overall sense of feeling confident and happy. I have learned that focusing on staying present is quite important. Meditation helps me gain more control of thoughts as a practice in a nonjudgmental way. I’m going to hop on the free NOCD therapist call to see if there’s a way I can get more therapeutic supporting practice.

paigefritz

Date posted: 2d

I am going through the same thing if you’d like to read my posts. I completely understand how you feel— especially questioning if it’s really ocd or not. And feeling so far away from your partner!!! That’s where I am right now. It’s so bad that I just constantly feel a “gut feeling” or anxiety or whatever it actually is, feeling like we shouldn’t be together anymore and maybe he’s not the one if I feel this way. And like now when I spend time with him I just feel anxious and scared and not really happy or relaxed. Something that has helped me ever so slightly is that at the end of the day no matter how I feel, I decide how much I can take and whatever decision I make is the right one. I don’t need to spend time thinking about what should or shouldn’t be, I am in control.

kmp88

Date posted: 2d

@paigefritz I’m sorry you’re in the thick of it too. It’s really upsetting. I do throw a pity party because I don’t understand how people have easy relationships in terms of not doubting and just “knowing.” I thought I knew with my ex husband but I was very wrong. But now I tell myself I’m just pendulum swinging to everything opposite of him, that nothing I like about him is rooted in actual chemistry or connection, it was just all a conscious choice to stay safe, etc., etc. But if someone were to tell me it’s not right, I’d feel sick to my stomach and really upset. I don’t want that either. I really just want peace. I had broken up with him a few times in our early stages years ago. He tried to see me for 1.5 years before I agreed. I had broken up with him for surfacey things and I never quite felt right about the break ups either. I didn’t feel this with other people I’ve dated. Anyway, just here to say that the break ups do bring relief but it’s also just temporary usually!

paigefritz

Date posted: 2d

@kmp88 I also hate it when people tell me that I’m just supposed to know. It is so unhelpful and causes me to panic

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