Did my partner do something wrong?

So, long story short. My partner and I rushed the beginning of our relationship in terms of sexual things and we both felt uncomfortable sometimes by doing different things that we never properly communicated until after. Us rushing led to something that has left me pretty traumatized in the relationship. He was fingering me and he was so engaged in the moment that he didn't hear me say stop the first two times, but I firmly said it the third time and he stopped immediately. I told him what happened and how I said it twice before he stopped, and he bawled his eyes out and felt so guilty. My boyfriend is a great guy, I just want that to be in mind. But, now everytime we do stuff, and now sex, it feels odd. Like dissociated. Recently, I had asked him to buy different condoms and lube since it was hurting a bit. He came home and I just wasn't feeling it that night and he said "but you asked me to buy them" he didn't mean to pressure me, and we talked about this today too and how he thought about it after he said it and felt really bad. Now im questioning if we did something that night, or if we DID do something that night was it consentual and unrelated to the comment he made earlier? My mind immediately wants to rush to the worst after every time we're intimate like "was this rape?" "Did he violate me?" Its so hard, because he can't read my mind. He said that I should never feel pressured to do anything, and he would never make me feel guilty for it and be so proud of me if I spoke up and that I was being vulnerable with him. Are these incidents just normal levels of miscommunication that can happen in a relationship? Please help

Vee92

Date posted: 2d

This is miscommunication and honestly way more common than you think. Like others have said, you can get traumatized by something someone does and it doesn’t make it wrong that they did it. For example one of my worst traumas is from my wife going to an inpatient hospital. Clearly not her fault at all. You guys are communicating now and that’s what’s important. He sounds really sweet and kind, just keep communicating

Winterrose_2007

Date posted: Yesterday

Thank you so much

ChickpeaKit

Date posted: 2d

You should be so so proud of yourself for keeping both yourself and your partner safe in telling him to stop until he heard you, that is so important and means thathe can trust you to say if you're not comfortable with what's happening. That is keeping you both safe and is a really important thing to practice. I can find this really hard too

Winterrose_2007

Date posted: 2d

I want us to trust eachother, but we've both made so many dumb mistakes around sex and intimacy that it's hard for me to speak up or make sense of anything, and it's hard for him too because he thinks im fully consenting and into it, which isn't fair to him. I did tell him that he should learn how to read body language though

girlanon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Something can be traumatizing for you, and he could have not "done anything wrong", both can be true and neither invalidates the other. If he truly did not hear you, then he cannot have known you wanted to stop. It sounds to me like a regular miscommunication, but that does NOT invalidate how it made you feel. It sounds to me like he is willing to work with you. I'd start by having an honest conversation about your sexual trauma, if you feel you can do so, so that you can build that trust back and find a pace that feels safe for you.

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