need help please don’t feel well..

This morning my boyfriend and I were waiting for public transport. A bus was standing slightly to the left of us. A group of women got off the bus and walked behind it, passing along the side. My boyfriend turned his head and looked in that direction. To me, it looked very clearly like he was looking at the women the 2 woman look too at him. After that, he looked back at me in a way that felt strange to me, which increased my anxiety. When I asked him about it, he said he was not looking at the women but at the bus, and that he looked confused because no other bus was coming (my bus was to late) and the other bus that stand there on this bus had “empty trip” written on it. That was his explanation for why he looked at me in a strange way. For me, it looked like he was looking strangely because the women were looking at or smiling at him – I’m not sure. but he said he don’t look at them but his had was exactly hin the direction of the woman If he had been looking at the bus with that head movement, he would have had to turn his eyes very far to the left. Even though his explanation can be plausible, I have a hard time believing it because my perception of the situation felt very different and very clear to me. I want to bring this up with my boyfriend again, but I’m not sure whether this is normal insecurity or if it might be more like Relationship OCD I generally have problems trusting – can this be caused by ROCD? idk what do to .. i don’t feel well my boyfriend ist My boyfriend is generally a very good and loyal partner.

Relationship OCD

Kaffe

Date posted: Yesterday

This is just my ramblings but if your bf had cheated on you in the past or just done dishonest things (lying about where he goes and with whom etc.) Or is just unstable or abusive in general, then your reaction would be very understandable. But since you say he's loyal and a good partner, then I could see this being part of ROCD, since why would he lie then?

ElusiveButte...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Would it be wrong if he had looked at the women? I’m trying to understand. It is very normal to look around your environment

pureolife

Date posted: Yesterday

He may have been looking for the bus and confused AND he may have seen the women and thought nothing of them. Or maybe he did notice them and is lying. If so, you’re going to be out of luck trying to thought police him. And in his world it was probably such a small moment he doesn’t even remember it now. If he has a habit of checking out women around you and you don’t like that: go ahead and bring it up. Not to double check if it was happening in that exact moment but just as a general talk about improving your relationship. But if as you say he’s generally a good partner, this is your ROCD seeking 100% certainty about things we can never be 100% certain of. On some level we have to trust our partners because we can’t read their minds and they don’t have to tell us what’s really going on in them. You already brought this up once and he’s told you what he’s going to tell you. If a bigger conversation needs to happen, go ahead. But let this moment go. You’ll never be able to be 100% certain. Settle for 99%.

TreeHugger777

Date posted: Yesterday

This is such a good response. Both myself and my partner have OCD and she has said she thought I was interacting with other people, looking at them etc. It has been very challenging at times. Whether the bf of the post was looking or not, it's OK to look at people and even to smile at people. If it's something else going then say something. If not, tell him how you feel about having the thoughts, not that you think he did look at them...

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