Ruminating about arguments

I relate to this a lot. I feel like I need every single detail, thought, and concern covered in the argument. Do you feel as though you need to do this to make sure he’s right or the relationship is right?

Yes, I struggle with this. It’s helped me to slow down and allow my partner time to process their feelings and thoughts (rather than pressing for an immediate resolution or my immediately apologizing in order to avoid conflict). This is hard because when things aren’t resolved or clear, my OCD gets very loud. I have to allow myself to feel the distress and fear and uncertainty and the what if’s, without trying to solve it. I have to also allow for the fact that we might have two different opinions/perspectives on a situation. It’s basically a big invivo ERP exercise. It’s hard. But, over time, I’ve found progress is possible. Hope that makes sense. I also think every relationship is so different — it might also be helpful to get specific insights from your therapist if you have on or maybe one of the ROCD support groups. Cheering you on❤️

I do too. And unfortunately it causes me so much pain and suffering when I do. I don’t know if this is helpful, but fights with my partner (especially when they are based on their behaviors that repeat after an apology is made) can make you question your own reality. I often feel unsafe to bring up how I feel about it, because I know it will end up in an argument. The argument is usually about feeling dismissed, unheard, scared, angry, alone. I worry about the future and question if it will ever get better. I know that I need to be more secure in myself, and use my self confidence as a reminder that I can be happy on my own, and don’t need anyone to show up in a way they can’t or are unwilling to show up. I’m learning to just accept that and focus on the things that make me feel good and stop relying on my partner to be the sole source of my happiness. It’s not easy, because when you’re spiraling like a deer in headlights, you’re ability to think rationally or logically goes out the window. Additionally, for me I exhaust myself mentally, to the point my body reacts in ways that make things even worse so, I end up trying to take a nap when I can , or if I can, a walk. I’m going to join one of the support groups here about OCD and relationships. I think it will help me with feeling alone, and maybe have some additional support when I need it most