isolating struggle

i’m just so frustrated by how my OCD manifests. sorry for the rant, but i struggle so much with a specific kind of real event ocd where, something that i did a few times throughout my teenage years continues to haunt me literally every hour of every day lol. my OCD jumps from memory to memory, but this past month+, this event has been the center of my obsessions and it makes me feel horrible. i’ve lost all ability to evaluate it clearly, i just feel anxious and ashamed. logically i know this is ridiculous but i’ve just internalized it to mean something horrible about me and i can’t let it go. i deal as best as i can but i worry about the severity of this obsession, im not even doing compulsions but it’s so bad.. also just feel completely isolated by the content itself of the obsession, like i did smth uniquely bad and unacceptable (even tho logically i didn’t), and the struggle itself of constantly thinking about it also makes me feel alone. can anyone relate at all 🥲

RabbitHearted

Date posted: Yesterday

The real events subtype is such a tricky one! I'm sorry you're going through this :( Sometimes when we get caught up in our own heads & ruminating on something over and over again it becomes really difficult to see it clearly. Something that I find helpful when I'm struggling with that is by using thought defusion skills (such as leaves on a stream or using "I'm having the thought that...." statements)

Maya :)

Date posted: Yesterday

@RabbitHearted thank you so much, that’s actually super helpful!

RabbitHearted

Date posted: Yesterday

@Maya :) I'm glad I could be of some help!!

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I can definitely relate. Can u chat?

Maya :)

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous yes sure, thanks!

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@Maya :) I’m here

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Privately?

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@Maya :) Hello

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Ok. I’m here.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Anyway to chat privately?

Maya :)

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous i’m sorry i can’t chat anymore i had to go do something, thank you for offering tho hope you’re doing okay!

jec4568

Date posted: 20h

I have an event I did when I was in my mid 30s that I feel ashamed of, its hard for me too. I have had this obsession for probably the bigger part of 10 years off and on. Sometimes I feel like the medicine that I take just masks the problem and does nothing to help me solve it. For a while now I have been giving ERP thearpy a try, through NOCD. Its difficult but I have high hopes it will help me get through it. It is kind of expensive as well as my insurance will not cover it. The funny thing about my obsession is I have resolved it to the point I was okay for a long while many times and it just keeps coming back. Here are a few things I have noticed about mine. 1. Its cyclical it returns at least every early winter, but normally more. This isn't the same for everybody. 2. SSRI's and SNRI's only work for a while "3-5 years" and I personally get what they call "Prozac Poopout". My body gets used to it and it quits working for me. Cymbalta at 90 mg was the best for a long time. It quit working after quite a while So now im trying an older trycyclic. 3. CBT thereapy does not work for me really. It helps at the time, but does not do what ERP therapy does. The ultimate goal or ERP is to learn to live with some uncertainty. It is hard to do, but I think it is maybe starting to work. 4. With ERP im starting to be able to put off my compulsions until later. That gives me a significant amount of relief for a while during the day.

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