Is it normal to feel suicidal, but I wouldn’t even do it, I hope. I don’t like these thoughts.

Yeah whenever I have them I just think of my family, I don’t want to put them through the pain.

I’ve lost my appetite and I seem to never feel hungry.

@JS0406 Just keep eating regularly, even if that means smaller portions more than 3 times a day

I’ve been up for two days but just slept and feel better.

@JS0406 Yup! That will do it! I’m so glad to hear that you’re feeling better. And I hope you will continue to get enough high quality sleep. It is SO VALUABLE yet so underrated. ???

@Beth823 I struggle to get to sleep, but I managed today don’t know how.

@JS0406 ? What kind of struggles? Also, about how old are you (this is relevant to your circadian rhythm which dictates when you are supposed to sleep)?

@Beth823 I’m 17 but I had no trouble getting to sleep before the intrusive thoughts.

@JS0406 So are you in high school? What time do you start school? Unfortunately high school start times are WAY TOO EARLY and conflict with teenagers natural circadian rhythm (naturally go to sleep later and wake up later), which requires teens to cuts short their sleeping which deprived them of valuable REM sleep which is crucial for mental health. And then the cycle of inadequate sleep causes poor mental health and then poor mental health makes it harder to fall asleep and it is a vicious cycle that is 100% unnecessary BS!!! But unfortunately politicians and school boards don’t actually care about the health of our youth, all they care about is $$$. Sorry, this issue REALLY pisses me off, and although I’m 32 now, I REMEMBER how miserable and crazy I was in high school, and it’s time to stop this nonsense now that the science shows that it is detrimental to the health of our youth. Anyway...what specific intrusive thoughts are keeping you awake at night? And about what time do you go to bed, and about what time do you think you typically fall asleep?

@Beth823 I just go to sleep when I get tired so can be anytime really.

Ok, well at least a school or work schedule (which you usually have no control over), isn’t interfering with your sleep. I don’t have experience with HOCD, so I don’t have good advice to offer. Also, sexual orientation isn’t binary (100% straight or 100% gay or black vs white) instead it’s fluid on a spectrum with varying shades of gray. For example back in my college days I kissed a few girls, and I actually kind of liked kissing them better than guys (because guys often have rough stubble and aren’t as smooth as girls), BUT it never went further than that because I sexually preferred guys. So what I’m saying is that it’s possible to like guys (same sex as you) without actually being gay (and wanting to have sex with them). With homosexuality becoming much more accepted in society, would it really be that bad IF you were homosexual? What’s the WORST that could happen? Often times OCD is fueled by fear, so maybe try to think what it would be like if you actually were gay and how that would affect your life, and if you realize that it wouldn’t be a big deal, I would think that you’d stop having these obsessions because you realize that there’s nothing to fear, and then, without fear clouding your judgement, you’d be able more easily see and accept the truth which is that you truly aren’t gay. Although I don’t experience HOCD, the above method of questioning what would really happen if my obsession (without giving into compulsion) came true, was introduced to me by multiple therapists. I would think it would apply to any type of OCD, but I don’t know. Also, this isn’t a one-time exercise. Any time the thought comes up, you have to confront it, question it, and remind yourself that it’s not as bad as your OCD is telling you it is, and hopefully after doing it consistently numerous times, it will eventually go away. I hope this helps! ????‍♀️

@Beth823 Yeah that helped, I need to stop trying to get an answer that is unsolvable because no one actually knows 100% what they are.