I’ve been in a relationship for a year and I love my fiancé with all my heart. Every time I start to feel good my OCD hits again. I keep thinking I’m not loyal and a bad partner I feel like when I have those thoughts I’m cheating. has anyone else had that problem
I had (and still do have) intrusive thoughts about infidelity, so you're definitely not alone. ( * ´꒳`ﾉ(´^`° ) It's important to give yourself grace and kindness, especially when dealing with a disorder as debilitating and painful as OCD. It's also super important to not argue with your intrusive thoughts or seek reassurance, since it won't help at all in the long run (speaking from experience). If you want some suggestions on things you could say or do to regarding it, feel free to ask me here, I have a lot of things that have helped me!
@cyrene can you tell me some of your suggestions please, i’m always asking for reassurance and it honestly doesn’t do anything long term it’s so difficult :(
@lo919 So I'll divide my suggestions into things you can say to yourself, out loud or internally, when you notice you're having a spike in anxiety or you're getting stuck in an OCD bubble, and then some actions as well! I like to say things to myself and then do the actions, but sometimes it's one or the other. 🤍 Some good non-compulsion responses I use: • "I'll deal with that (infidelity) if and when it happens." • "Whether or not I do something wrong, I can handle the outcome." • "I can't figure this out right now, so I'll deal with it later." <— I use this one at night or if I need to get something else done! And some stuff I do: • Initiate intimacy like asking my fiancé to cuddle or hold hands. (This is my go-to! Also, holding hands and cuddling both have scientific backing for being good for you, like being calming, so it helps two ways!) • Ask my fiancé if he wants to talk, play games, or some other activity that we can do together. • Journal without doing compulsions. For me, I can write down how I'm feeling (like I'm anxious or upset), but I don't ruminate or try to argue with myself on paper. Instead, I'll write about ways that I show love, what happened that day, or scrapbook with things from the day (my fiancé and I go out? I'll glue receipts, wrappers, whatever else I have into my journal!) It's important to not live in fear of your obsessions and intrusive thoughts being true or not, but live according to your values and what you believe. You believe that you love your fiancé, just like I do, so doing things that align with that (like spending time with them or cuddling) is very helpful. Please be kind to yourself, you're not alone. 🩷
@lo919 Also, big note: a lot of these won't make you feel better in the short term. You will probably still feel really anxious or upset, and that's okay. For me, I cried A LOT while doing the things I mentioned because I wasn't instantly not anxious anymore—I was still anxious, but now I'm also engaging directly with my fiancé. BUT, in the long term, it helps so much! I still have moments where I cry from anxiety and distress, but the severity and length of my episodes have decreased so much. That is the goal, not immediately feeling okay. So make sure to be very gracious with yourself, being kind and compassionate towards yourself is so important for dealing with any and every OCD theme!
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