I really didn’t want to come on here and confess but I really messed up bad and I thought about some things on purpose I didn’t want to. I don’t really feel anything like disgust but I think idk what to do cause it was absolutely my fault. I went to Reddit admittedly and that is making things worse. I feel stuck. Morals and values haven’t changed, but Idk what I should do
Hi. It's good that you acknowledge that going on Reddit doesn't help you in the long run, but it's not your fault. Your thoughts don't mean anything since you won't act on them. Just sit with those thoughts until they pass.
@BigGyro09 Thank you
@liliesinbloom You're welcome. And thank you for the help you've given me! I do really appreciate that. If you ever need someone to talk to or just want to vent about what bothers you, I can help. :)
@BigGyro09 Ahh I’m so happy if I’ve helped any at all. Hope you’re doing alright today. Thank you so much for offering that seriously, that really helps. Can be super isolating and like..when you get that feeling of doom especially.🥲 You too!
@liliesinbloom Yes, OCD is unfortunately very good at making sufferers feel isolated and like they are alone. The truth is quite the opposite though. I've been doing better and I've thought about what you said when it comes to quitting from time to time. I got several pieces of advice and I'm just trying to navigate it the right way.
@liliesinbloom I hope you've been well for the most part!
@BigGyro09 Yeah you’ll find your way through, don’t give up or be so hard on yourself. It’s difficult to break out of but you’re never hopeless! And yeah I’ve had my ups and downs lately, but hopefully will mellow out.
It's hard for me to not be hard on myself. I'm usually more focused on caring for others and how they see me rather than myself. I can't pinpoint where it comes from. I hope I can because I tell myself that I want to but I fail everytime. I hope things are at least getting easier for you and that you are able to relax your mind. Do you have anything you look forward to doing?
@BigGyro09 I think that’s a great thing to care for and wanna help others. I think maybe over time you’ll realize you deserve that too though. I know with ocd and the shame that it can force on us, I think it can cause us to punish ourselves or think of ourselves as less. I wonder if it might help not to label it as failure, but rather something that you’re struggling with and working through? :-) Even if it feels like there was zero progress. Sometimes it’s one step forward and others like 7 backwards.🥲 Things are ok, I think finding things to keep my mind busy helps. Thank you! I’m trying to get my license lol I’m kinda late..but I enjoy driving. I wanna get back into art or more creative things and exercising again. Started going for walks, and getting outside feels nice. But I’ve been thinking about trying some new things or picking back up old hobbies that I abandoned.😅 How about you? I know you mentioned programming and learning a new language which sounds cool! I’m curious what language you want to learn
@liliesinbloom I don't like the negative thoughts I have about myself, but I also don't disbelieve them. I think it just comes from being so used to having them along with the regrettable things I've done in the past that my thoughts love to remind me about. I didn't want to word it as that initially but I didn't know what else to put. I feel like I've made progress but other times haven't. I'm also late with my license because I'm so used to public transportation to where I never felt I needed a license. I would like to have one though. I used to actively exercise but not having money to support my membership hurts. I've really been trying to look for jobs but that's been unfun. I've been learning HTML and JavaScript so far for programming languages. It was very fun and I loved it. I also need money to continue working with that.
@liliesinbloom Going outside to just have nice air can be nice too. And sunlight. What do you like to draw? I love art :) I'm always looking to improve on what I make. I like to be blown away by great art and asking so many questions about the skill of the artist!
@BigGyro09 I’m sorry you deal with those thoughts. Well, idk if this will bring any comfort but you’re still young. Maybe one day you won’t remember some of these things from the past. Or maybe you will, but you’ll be able to feel what you need for a moment and move forward. Yeah public transportation works just fine too. :) I was too scared to drive when I was younger lol. I relate to feeling kinda limited with things though, I’m hoping to get a job as well. Don’t give up, you’ll get where you want to be in the right timing. That’s actually really cool you’ve been learning that! I had to google what it meant.😂 I hope you can continue! I draw just random things sometimes but I mostly like to paint! Small scale stuff, i have a lot of fun with that. Painted a few like figurines also, I think they were like DnD characters and that was both fun and maddening lol. What kinda art do you make? :-)
I hope I either forget it completely or come to terms with it all. I felt awful about it all and I felt really powerless against it but I also just want to move past it entirely and not look back. That's all I want. Being on the road can be fun, but sometimes it gives me those intrusive thoughts as well. I really like driving across highways and I've liked it since I was a kid. I hope I can get something soon. And when I do I hope I'll be able to stick with it and do a good job with the position. Same for you though. You'll be where you want to be soon :) Thanks! It's basically learning to speak computer 🤣. I find it really fun and cool because you can make so much stuff with it. I like to draw my favorite fictional characters and characters I've made up. It's really nice to see my progress with drawings as time goes on. I never played Dungeons and Dragons but I'd like to!
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