I feel so horrible. Has anyone else dealt w this?

(18+ if ur a minor pls dont read!) I keep remembering back to when I was… yk, while watching a 🌽 vid, (2+ yrs ago?) Anyways, I remember having an intrusive thought of how the girls in the video sounded young/ (or like little girls I don’t remember exactly what the thought was) and it felt like I finished to the thought… but the thing is I can’t entirely remember, and I keep thinking about it and the more I think the more I’m unsure. I remember at the moment I moved on and was fine. Idek how I felt after or what exactly happened. My memory is so fuzzy. But I started thinking about it in july of last year(I got over it but idk how or why), and then again this past week. I can’t stop thinking abt it. I feel so grossed out and terrible if that’s the case and I can’t stop thinking back to it and trying to remember more. But it also feels like me not remembering or saying I can’t remember is me trying to lie bc I don’t wanna admit it’s true or something. Idk. I hate this sm .

POCD

kj38805

Date posted: 3d

I find checking the facts really helpful for this kind of thing. Our brains are susceptible to making false memories the more we recall something, because you’re kind of recalling the last time you recalled the memory, rather than the actual memory. If you thought about it one time while you had an intrusive thought, that could influence how you remember it next time. I’ve found that with real bad memories I’m less distressed as time passes, but with memories I’m having obsessive compulsions about, I get more anxious each time I remember it. So if you are increasingly worried about it every time you remember, that’s a really good sign that it’s just your OCD. Hope this helps! :)

bruceWayne1

Date posted: 3d

@kj38805 Can it feel so real though? I keep forcefully trying to replay the memory and make myself FEEL like I’m in it and playing it out over and over again and it feels real/like it happened, and the more i do it the more im like well if it feels like this happened and it feels so real this must’ve been what happened and that’s horrible if it did… but the thing is again, when it happened why didn’t i seem to care ? I always remember when i have these episodes. And i can only seem to remember when i thought about it last year, but what even made me think abt it last year if it didn’t actually happen? Like why did it become a thing ocd clung to randomly if it didn’t actualy happen? Idk if i make sense . I can’t stop ruminating abt it and if i dont i feel so guilty

sweetsalvation

Date posted: 5d

First, sit down and breathe. Inhale for 4 hold in for 4 sec and exhale for 4. Do this 13 times. Secondly, i want you to remind yourself that our brains are fucked and that ocd is the bully ruining your life. Now you have to separate it. OCD is not you. Those thoughts aren't you. The thoughts are running wild i know, let them be, take them all in. However you should keep telling yourself, like a mantra, that this is ocd not you. What happened is in the past, 2 years ago. OCD being the bully it is, is replaying the memory over and over again. You dont have to accept the intrusive thoughts, sure let them pass, feel them all etc, but they are not you.

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