ocd all of a sudden?

hey, all. new to the app and new to the community. i’m not sure if i belong as i have not been diagnosed and have been struggling with what i believe to be OCD symptoms for a little over a month now. i keep thinking about past events during my relationship and feeling shame and guilt for them. at first, i thought it was normal so i shared with my boyfriend and he told me that it’s nothing (not in the dismissive way but that it’s not something that bothers him at all). i keep finding new details to bring up and share and i keep feelings so much worse. i hold myself to a high standard with loyalty and feel like I’ve done something wrong and not worthy of his trust, despite my own partner being completely comfortable with it. i find new things to “confess”, which are arguably smaller each time. i don’t want to sabotage this. i don’t know what to do :( my job never processed my insurance back in open season so now i don’t have coverage yet. feeling stuck.

OCD newbies

EnglishBreak...

Date posted: 23h

It is really good you noticed signs early and acted on it. If it’s OCD, it tends to get worse the longer you go without treatment. Some people go years before they get treated, which is really sad. Your first priority would be to talk to a psychologist or get diagnosed. Since you don’t have coverage yet, you could treat it as if it’s OCD and see how you feel. You may get better on your own. I, of course, can’t diagnose you, but it sounds like either or combination of Relationship OCD (ROCD), Moral OCD and Real Event OCD (REOCD). The truth is, it doesn’t really matter which type of OCD you (possibly) have. The treatment for OCD is the same. Which is exposure and response prevention (ERP). You have to notice what obsessions you have, what triggers them, what you fear will happen, and what compulsions you do to avoid feared outcomes. For example: Trigger: Memory of smiling at someone else you thought was cute. Obsession: Did I flirt with this guy? Did I cheat on my partner? Feared outcome: If he knew this, he would be hurt and think I am untrustworthy. I am a fraud in this relationship. Compulsions: Confessing to your boyfriend to see if he still loves you. You probably feel better after telling and he is not bothered. But then, you probably are thinking “But, did I tell everything?” or find a new past event to obsess about. In ERP, you would most likely write a imaginal script. This is your worst case scenario written down. You would read this and artificially increase your anxiety. The most important part would be not to do any compulsions, at all. Hope you find this helpful. Also, hope you get better, OCD or not.

sssrrr

Date posted: 23h

@EnglishBreakfast00 thank you! i will explore and see what happens. when i am clear headed, it feels like all the worries disappear and the real me knows the thoughts were just thought. i wonder if its clinical as when i zoom out i feel better, normal, self compassionate. i think i need to work on breaking the loops, maybe?

sssrrr

Date posted: 23h

@sssrrr (see above reply to Suf for some additional context on that)

EnglishBreak...

Date posted: 23h

@sssrrr I see. Telling yourself you are a good person could also be a form of compulsion. I am not a psychiatrist so I can’t diagnose you. But let me just say this: It has impacted you enough to the point you had to do research on what you were dealing with. Instead of going around and wondering if you have OCD, why not just try to do some self-help while waiting to get diagnosed? Sounds like a combination Real Event and Moral Scrupulosity OCD.

Suf

Date posted: 23h

I havent been diagnosed either; but I realized I was constantly confessing too. I have reduced it a lot, but it still happens and I realize after the fact. I dont have answers yet, but I hope this makes you feel less alone

sssrrr

Date posted: 23h

@Suf thank you! i don’t know if it’s OCD or just an issue being hard on myself constantly. when i remind myself i am a GOOD person and know i do the best with what i thought/felt in the moment, i feel better. unsure if it’s OCD or other sort of anxiety. unsure if my approach is the best. but it gets me out of the loop without seeking reassurance from others.

Betterlateth...

Date posted: 21h

It does sound like OCD because your brain is searching things to confess (obsession) then after you do (the compulsion) you feel better briefly, only to feel the pressure and need to do it again. Wishing you luck- I’m in my 2nd week of therapy and it’s not easy, but worth it!

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