i always used to want a bf soo bad and i would get so jealous and kinda sad when i saw guys being cute with their girlfriends and now i don’t even care. like i’m not interested in anyone. and it scares me bc i didn’t lose my attraction bc i still see guys and i’m like omg he’s so cute and stuff but then i ask myself if i would date him and i can’t see myself dating him. and it makes me think i don’t actually like boys. and the guy i had liked for yearssss and wanted to be close with so bad, i don’t have feelings for him anymore. anyone else with hocd have this? you still have the physical attraction but you don’t want a relationship. it’s freaking me out

I don't know.. I have not yet met any therapists. I just can't now for some reasons. I started having so many intrusive thoughts and used to think about it all day long. Analysing and overanalysing everything and used to search up sexuality tests. While searching for sexuality tests i came across the term hocd. I don't think about such stuffs all day long nowadays but I do know it's somewhere there at the back of my mind to the point where I know I can never have a normal relationship again or hang out with my female friends like I used to do before. I don't actively think about it daily but there will be something that would trigger these thoughts in me like a dream or meeting any of my female friends after some time and feeling nervous around them

and also nowadays almost all girls around my age mess around and call each other wife and stuff like that and i’ve always thought it was kind of weird and that makes me think i’m gay and don’t know it. and also i’ve never been uncomfortable hugging girls, but i just never would be like “i wanna hug her” and most of my freiends (girls) always want these long tight hugs from each other and i find it kinda weird cause it literally looks like a hug you would have with your bf, and the fact that i find it kinda weird also makes me think i’m gay. and i can’t remember if i thought it was weird before my hocd or not. ugh this sucks

Same! When I had a boyfriend we were in a secret relationship because of family issues but I always wanted to just go out and tell everyone and post pictures of us together as everyone else and used to feel jealous but now I really don't want a relationship with any guy.. I also can't imagine myself kissing a guy. Yes i will be like oh he's cute and blush when i would watch any video of my male celebrity crushes but i would not like if any guy would kiss me . I also feel relief thinking about being single my whole life . I also hated tight hugs or changing around other girls and now it's making me think otherwise

Hmm.. Believe It or not I am 23 and never properly kissed anyone. I mean it explains I have only been in 1 relationship once for 6 years in such a reserved Indian family I just wish I had more experience that would may be clear any of my doubts. I just wish not to have any thoughts and not care about what my sexuality is but it keeps coming back to my head.

I understand I was like this before. Not because I would want more but because I want to experience everything after marriage not anything before but nowadays even the word relationship/marriage scares me. The only thing important to me now are some of my dreams that I want to fulfill but even this makes me anxious

And that's the reason I never had sexual experience till date even though I am 23

I completely relate to all of this

Yeah i used to imagine myself kissing guys in the past but I don't why I was convinced somehow that I don't like it or never liked it.

In any kind of hocd mind is always the one creating such things. It just plays games with you.. Have you been diagnosed with hocd?