Sometimes i just look at woman when theyre pretty idk i just do. Idk if it means something and i feel like i didnt do it before hocd. Idk if it comes with hocd but i just be looking and idk if it means im attracted or if im just looking or wateva. I dont really look at boys like that anymore because im not attracted to them at this point with hocd. But why would i look at woman tho?

No true but it makes me feel gay lol

Okaaaay so this made me shit my paaaants. Bruh i used to drool over boys my whole life i always likedd boys ans neevr liked girls in that way and thinking about that gibes me Maaaajor anxiety. Like major i have panic attacks over it. But im trying to be more calm about it so i posted about it very casualy so it didnt look like ocd to see what people would think but like being obsessive over attravtion made me lose attraction over boys which is why i dint feel any. All i can say is that what my ocd is trying to force me to feel, feels nothing like the real thing. Ive been in love i know what its like and this attracrion towards woman that my hocd is creating feels nothing like it, it feels like anxiety. But sometimes hocd girls relate w me that they look at woman even tho they dont want to be with them or something its a common thing under us hocd Girls. Idk if this sounds bad but me thinking about being with a woman makes me sick to the stomach, i hope that didnt sound offending or homophobic because i litteralt dont mind it if other people are with the same sex but for myself it like doesnt fit and its soo not the right place for me. Hocd makes me force to be gay in my head but it feelss so horrible. Im praying everyday for my attraction to men to come back. I miss how men made me feel. They made me feel the real thing and i miss it so much. Thank u for commerning tho but it was kinda triggering but its okay :)

@hocdgirlsummer From the way i put my post together i get why you would think its curiosity but theres like a whoooole background of anxiert behind it lol. I cant put it in words how wrong it would feel for me to date with the same sex like trust me up till my 16 i never shed a thought about it i was living my best life being in love with Harry styles, bradd pit johnny Depo leo, u name it litteralt everyboy from my school until the though : “what if im gay” blew my head up...

@hocdgirlsummer That is very concerning that you do get anxiety from women and your attraction toward them. Is there maybe a deeper connection to the anxiety than just general though? Such as, was a female character in your life sexually or romantically active with other women? Was there any sort of aggressive relationship between you and another friend, girl wise, that may have lead you to have anxiety about how she’s coming off onto you (in a normal respectable way thats not homophobic)? Were there any abusive men in your life such as a relative, friend, or partner? I’m not saying everything has to lead back to a reason with OCD but it might be a start if you’re able to analyze your past to determine the root cause’ so then maybe facing your triggers has more clarity. I understand how it feels having this anxiety, I’ve had sexual attractions to abusive men in my life for no apparent reason.

@DrewRose No not at all i haven’t experienced any of that. I get anxiety because my brain tells me i want to be with them but thats not my nature. Its like a gay person being forced to be straight and be with the opposite sex but for me its like my brain forces me to be with the same sex. So it feels like all i ever knew is a lie because ive always liked boys and then suddenly hocd tells me im gay. What happens is that i start obssessing about the question and i start analzying everyrhing about sexuality. So then my attraction towards men went away cause the anxiety and analyzing if im not maybe gay even tho ive never liked a girl or saw one in a sexual way. Its like girls all my live have been like sisters and not any sexual or romantic at all and then suddenly my thoughts tell me that i like girls sexually and it gives anxiety because when ik with my best friend my brain keeps saying to me: you like her you like her you liker her while she is my freaking best friend and ive never never wanted to be with her in that kind of way trust me i still dont but the thought of it gives ke anxiety. Its called hocd its a whole thing i cant really easily explain it. Its a feeling and it is verg confusing but at the end im not at all who i used to be. Because hocd twists my mind so much to thinking jm gay that i forget what its like to actually like someone and that changed me so much for the worse. Im depressed and have anxiety a lot now bevause of being scared of litteraly every woman because ik scared thst i *may* be attacted to her. Evrything before hocd was normal and i never got any anxiety from no sex. And thats how i know i like boys. Bevause they made me actually happy and made me feel in love and made me feel warm and i craved being loved by a man. Even tho my mind is all twisted and yells at me everyday thst i wanna be with a woman even tho i dont i still know what i truly love and even if i dinr feel it anymore i will fight for it because i wanr to be happy like i used to. If i liked woman i wouldve felt the happy and warm feeeling with rhem but all i feel is anxiety. And with men i did feel the good feeling but overanalyzing my attraction towards them made me lose the attraction. This also happens to gay people, they get a thiught like am i maybe straight? And then they cant stop obssesing about if theyre maybe straight instead of gay because all their life al they knew is liking the same sex but then suddenly their brain tells them non dtop they like the opposite sex and t gives u so much anxiett because that would change your whole life but like it aint even releveant because they dint like the opossite sex but their brain is convincing them and brings back every little memorie in their brain to where they might have said something as a joke like: lol im straight again because they saw like a good looking person frol the opposite sex but they dont actually mean it. Like in the past ive said about rihanna or somethig like haha im gay for her but as a joke. Now with hocd thinking about that gives me the most anxiett because it take eveything waaay to serious. Even tho im aware of that i cant stop feeling the anxiety from it. So hocd grabs you at every single point in ur life that u did or said somethinf without sexual intension towards the same sex and then now, years later it tells me that it was sexyally and then im scared that thats true even tho i know t isnt. Like with the looking at woman i lowkey know ts bevause i look at woman because they got on clothes i would like to wear or theyre jusr pretty but that doenst mean i wanna be with them it means that i wanna be like them. But i posted my post because i wanna get reassurement from people so they say like, i can relate i have his too but its part of hocd. In the back of my mind i know thats the case but i always need reassurement for it. It was like a compulsion. The worst part about this is losing the attravtion to men because that litteraly made me depressed because i always was in love and had a looot of crushes and suddenly its gone. I miss it with my whooole heart

Yeah true, but its so hard because before hocd everything was simple and i could joke around and i jusr didnt have to think about all this. I jusr lived my life and thats what made me happy. Also just not having any problems with attraction loss or the fake attraction to woman made me so carefree and i miss that. I jusr cant not worry about it. Its on my mind 24/7 littersly its my world. I live in hocd’s world and not mine anymore. I deadass cant enjoy anything anymore. Its always like why dont i feel happy, why dont i feel any excitement anymore. Its bevause im always stressed but idk how to get the stress away. I always had a passion for makeup and clothes but now i dont get the feelings thst i used to when i practise my passions. Life became so empty and numb. And its sad because i know how joyful it can be but im missing out on all of it because of this. Even music cant make me feel anythinf becaus eits always about a boy or woman and boom, i start analzying again. Or its about love and it makes me sad because i feel like i caan never naturally fall in love again without obsessing or analazying or at least ask myself once if im truly attracted to the person. Before this i would just ‘be’ attracted and dont think about it and thats when you fall in love but now how am u suppose to fall in love when everything about love, relationship and sexuality gives me anxiety. I just want the normal me back who didnt think about this twice, i used to be just happy and live my life excited for the future and i always had like this thought of how i want my relationship to be and how its gonna be non toxic and how its all gonna be so good like how everyones imagines it but now i csnt even imagine domething because boys make me feel nothing (rip my attravtion towards them i need it back) and woman are truly not what i want and trust me i dont want a future with a woman i can say that with my whole heart. Take it as a gay person not wanting to be with a opposite sex person, i dont want to be with a woman. Byt my hocd wont free me so that i can feel the genuing attraction to men again.

Yeah i totally wish. I feel like that is the way out but sometimes i feel like my case isnt worse enough for s therapist even tho i know this isnt how life is suppose to be. Idk i also csnt tell my parents bevause i would be such a problem To them, they love me and they would help me but they have so much on their minds i cant and im also reslly sfraid to open up. So im just gonna wait tjll im 18 and go myself lol