rocd

hi y'all! so i've been dealing w a lot of intrusive thoughts lately involving a past situationship (we're now just friends) and a current guy i've been seeing. so i was in this sort of situationship last year, from april until basically the end of the year. we ended up realising we were better as just friends. in december, i started talking to someone else and we've been going on dates and it's been amazing. i like him a lot, and even though we're still getting to know each other, i see myself being w him. the thing is, that i've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts about my friend (like "i actually want to be w him and i'm just in denial", or that "we can't be friends since we used to be kind of a thing", or that "i'm going to cheat w him when me and this other guy start going out for real"). and the list goes on... and idk what to do... like i want to be friends w him, but it's been hard and every time we hang out together i get really anxious and feel so guilty as if i was cheating w him just for hanging out w him. so i've been talking less and less w him, and i think he suspects something (he knows about my ocd). what should i do? has anyone been in a similar situation? thank you so so much <3

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7w

I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. My ex girlfriend and I were together for five years before we broke up in 2024, and we’re still friends but the intrusive thoughts about her (missing the relationship, wondering if we can maintain a regular friendship, worrying that I’m still not over her, etc) still linger. Been trying to date here and there for a while but two years later, haven’t seen anyone seriously at all. I find myself making comparisons that aren’t fair sometimes, and it’s difficult. I think the question you need to ask yourself is: are these thoughts of yours the byproduct of wanting to still be with your ex OR are they OCD manifesting itself as that? Is it OCD keeping you from fully embracing the joy of a new relationship, perhaps as a way to protect you from getting your heart broken again? If that’s the case, I’d say just continue to be friends with your ex while still maintaining some healthy distance to allow yourself to move forward with this new guy. Hope my two cents have helped!

sandra_c

Date posted: 7w

i definitely don't want to be w him, but there's this part of me (i guess the ocd part of my brain) that has me feeling guilty for talking or hanging out w him, as if i was doing something wrong or that could harm my new potential relationship. but yeah, there's also intrusive thoughts that tell me that i actually want to be w him and stuff like that. and i suppose that we can never know for sure and *have to sit w the uncertainty* that maybe these are real thoughts... or not at all... 🙃 thank you for the kind response btw. hope it gets better for both of us <3

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

@sandra_c I 100% get what you’re going through. It’s definitely a challenge, but it feels good to be able to talk it out sometimes. Hope my comment could be of help and thank you for your kind reply! 🙏

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