Delusional intrusive thoughts

Really long post Hi I'm sure y'all saw my posts before and my fear of being delusional and believing delusional thoughts and this all started right after my health OCD where I thought you know my headache was a tumor what if what if it's a tumor and all that stuff you know the classic tumor stuff and I would be stressed all day and it would be really bad and then I was like I had a fear of schizophrenia and then mostly the delusional part is what I was afraid of and then over time it just got worse and worse I had crazy intrusive thoughts like what if clouds aren't real what if everyone around me or a lizard people or what if everyone around me aren't real but the one that really stuck the most was the lizard people one it's really disturbing conspiracy theory out there honestly I always start it's delusional and I still think it's delusional and I know it's crazy having intrusive thoughts of one owned family to be something out of this world is really creepy in a way now I don't believe the thought I never did has it felt real absolutely I can't lie I know that you can make things feel real I even want to go to a mental hospital to see if I'm schizophrenic they told me no I don't have schizophrenia or psychosis or anything like that so there's that but that's not the point right now just wanted to do a little recap what I want to talk about is how I manage this in a way I've learned a term after many months of suffering with these crazy delusional intrusive thoughts about my loved ones and it was really painful the anxiety I can logically know but this anxiety is illogical and I can be surrounded by loved ones I learned the term sometimes the best answer is silence and it's my fault that I've always gave an answer to OCD even though that's what it wants and answer an argument in my humanities class I've learned of a a skeptic you know a skeptic would be like with debate something that you know has 100% uncertainty you can't prove it you can't disprove it therefore it must be true but I know that knowledge doesn't require 100% certainty and over the past few months for weeks I should say I've learned to calm down to just let the anxiety be there let the thought be there and just just don't say anything if you know the answer the answer being false by the way that these interests of thoughts are here because I'm afraid of being delusional and so on and so forth yes the thought itself is pretty creepy but I know it's not true but I'm not going to argue with my mind I don't have to remind myself that it's not real I can just sit there and just know that if I'm silent I already know my answer but the worst thing is it's just these crazy thoughts always appear like for instance I was sick I was sick really bad and you know I'm Hispanic and you know sometimes they have Hispanic remedies like my mom would boil some water put some like lime and all that stuff some clothes for the skin some some remedy like that when someone's sick and today I felt better I'm not sick no more and my mom gave me that and I so I took a shower and then came a thought or what if they want me to have extra flavor before they're going to eat me and I'm like I noticed the thought and the anxiety immediately came up but then I asked myself why the hell am I anxious if I know that this is delusional why the hell am I anxious have I trained my mind long ago to be afraid of all kinds of crazy thoughts and therefore it learned that and the anxiety was there but I I took the shower anyway to prove it wrong well actually no do not even prove it at all because I know it's crazy I've had all kinds of crazy intrusive thoughts just as like my mind teasing me to see how I'm going to react and it all circles around the stupid lizard one it was like what if they have telekinetic Powers what if they can read my mind what if they can do this what if that what if this what if that it's like all this crazy b******* like I want it gone like these intrusive thoughts are so f****** scary because I have a big fear of believing it I know I shouldn't look for reassurance and I was doing really good not giving attention to OCD I was living I was with my family I was happy but then came a weird wacky thought and came in like oh I was like oh yeah I'm just going to take the shower going to put the remedy on me because well it's for the sickness and and I tried my best to not like ask questions to my mom about it because it would make me seem paranoid and that's a that's a symptom of schizophrenia or whatever but I am like I can't I have to ask but I noticed deep down if I do then that would make me seem paranoid but I asked my mom what was the purpose of it what does it really do and deep down I know it's for sickness I know it without a doubt and then I asked why didn't she do it for my little brother who was always so sick he was the first one sick and then I got sick she said because you were hit the hardest and in a way I guess I was and she said I also did it for myself but my mind kept saying oh what if they're doing this and all that and I've come to realize now as I'm talking did I fell for OCD strap it wants a reaction from just like the the skeptic wood in an argument is there uncertainty well I mean how can you prove something delusional you can't OCD like can't prove anything there isn't I'm a very logical person so I know I don't believe this crap I don't want to believe it it's just why do I get anxious is what I getting at the fact that I'm getting anxious in the first place about the intrusive thought makes me anxious what does that mean does that mean I'm crazy makes it feel real but I know it's not real I'm sorry for a really really long post but can anyone relate