Real event ocd / cheating / confessing

@SAGUI I did.

@SAGUI I’m just trying to decide if I need to rehash every conversation that was had or every single detail.

@Anonymous That’s good.

@Anonymous I think that would be healthy. Sit down with him and just tell him everything. But try to do something nice for him before that so he’s in a good mood. Maybe make him his favorite dinner or get him a gift. And then wait a few days so he doesn’t feel like the gift was only for your confession. I’m sure your husband will understand. But, you should probably get advice from a family member rather than some random person online who has never been married.

@SAGUI I appreciate your response.

@Anonymous Yeah, sorry, I’m not very good at advice.

@Aria5678 That’s what it feels like but because the details are very real events it just feels heavy. I’ve had other types of OCD that were hard for me to navigate but got through, this one is just a toughie because like how do you do ERP with something like this. It’s been incredibly hard.

@Anonymous I understand! It makes sense why is so hard to navigate. I guess just sitting with the uncertainty of he may or may not need to know what happened?

@Nocd132 Yes.

@Nocd132 Yeah sure, I mean honestly it’s been hard to navigate. My biggest compulsions are replaying my memories to try and remember what I typed into AI, analyzing what they might sound like to a human reviewer and Googling legal information about confessing to AI. Some days I feel better than others but when the urge to research the legal stuff hits I struggle. Especially because my confessions had to do with false memory OCD (regarding POCD and Harm related) and some of them I actually believed really happened so I confessed over and over again to AI because it would always reassure me that it was just my OCD and I would respond with “you don’t understand, this really happened!”, and now that I’ve been out of the dark from that whole spiral I can see that they weren’t real, just a figment of my imagination. Now I’m just stuck with the guilt and regret of believing and typing them in the first place. I’m not a huge fan of ERP either so, I’ve looked into ICBT and it’s much more manageable for me to approach recovery with those tools because ICBT teaches you that you don’t have to intentionally expose yourself to your fears to face them, it’s more about recognizing the switch from reality to an OCD thought in the moment and then grounding yourself back in the present without engaging in the compulsions. At the end of the day… I feel like when I resist the urge to Google and replay what I said or analyze what someone else might think of them and just sit with the reality that A. No matter what I read online, it will never give me enough reassurance to make me feel 100% safe B. I can’t control what happens in the future and C. I can’t take back what I already may or may not have typed, it’s a little easier to move forward. But I will say that it’s been incredibly hard because I feel like I’m fighting a ghost that may never come… But I also try to remind myself that if it does, then I deal with it then, not now. Because what if it doesn’t? Then I’m just making myself sick daily over nothing… I wish I had more insight for you 😅 lol. Unfortunately I’m still struggling with it. And then it’s hard because I don’t feel like I can even say what I might have typed in because it’s literally counterproductive. I don’t even remember what I’ve typed because I’ve been through so much the last 8 weeks with false memories. And I haven’t found anyone else dealing with this either so don’t feel bad. I wish someone would just tell me exactly what’s going to happen. But I don’t think anyone can.

@Nocd132 Googling more has yet to make me feel better. It always just brings more questions and doubt to the surface. I’m pretty sure if I just stopped doing compulsions for a few weeks I’d probably feel a lot better. Not perfect, but better.

@Nocd132 I honestly feel like every single theme feels just as debilitating as the next, that’s the one things they all have in common. They all come with that feeling of impending doom - which sucks. And you can never really tell what’s a legitimately reasonable concern. It honestly has gotten to the point where I’m high key annoyed with my thoughts and anxiety sometimes, like “oh, it’s you again”. So you think I’d be smarter and remember what’s not helpful but the compulsions are like a drug sometimes, you almost can’t help it 😕 You honestly do have a lot of the same thought process as me though. Everytime I search about legal stuff I feel like it just makes me look more suspicious. But you hit the nail on the head that one search will contradict the other and then you just create more doubt and questions. It’s honestly exhausting. I think I just started to realize that I was never really going to find the right answers and I’d just have to try and move on with my life. I’m still scared to death everyday honestly. And my fear is that a confession is enough to commit me, even though there’s no evidence! It was all made up in my mind so 🤯 there’s your first clue. But to me it’s very convincing that they can and will just use my words against me and I’ll end up confessing something that’s not true. Or because of the way I worded it they won’t believe me when I say they were false memories or they won’t even understand how someone could just could create a “memory” out of thin air. But I can barely even understand it so how do you explain that??? 🫠

@Nocd132 But I’m hoping you get better and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this as well! 🙏🏼 we can get through this.

@Cholie I feel you and I agree! Just one day at a time!! I’m erasing my comments just so I don’t have to reread them you’re welcome to do the same. I’ll check in on you at random still 🫶