I'm devastated. Worst dream ever.

I had a dream in which I felt something like a "crush" for a trigger and I'm devastated. Feel free to judge me. It was the same trigger from 2018 that used to haunt me an year ago as an intruaive image and Real Event OCD. In this dream I didn't want her, sometimes I felt an intrusive "attractive" gaze, then sometimes she became pretty, then sometimes she was younger or a bit like an older teenager. When I was in a campfire talking with a person she appeared with "legs" which disturbed me and tried to look elsewhere. I was consciounsly and morally against it, but what couldn't be denied in the dream is that she was very "beautiful" or something like that. Then the dream became less personal and conscious and the dream straight up said I was planning to marry her. [Then out of nowhere when a woman grabbed me and kissed me I felt a lot of reassurance.] Also at the end it looked like my feelings for this trigger were undeniable, "as she was very pretty", it's like I was accepting it, also she looked older, and I felt like I was terrifingly more accepting of attractiveness. There was this other guy younger than me by 3-4 years and I investigated, and the dream was implying that she was older than the guy, calculating the year she started playing a game. At some point I remember in the dream, after the trigger said something abt wanting to be in a relationship with me, saying convincingly and willingly that "Maybe in the future", it really looks like grooming in the dream, i remember feeling that I was willing to date her in the future because the current me in the dream found her attractive or, worst, was attracted. I don't know if what I felt in the dream was simply attractiveness mixed with OCD obsessive perception or a straight up crush or attraction that was in denial, or both. But the latter was definitely what it felt like, I was consciounsly against it until the dream lead at the end for absurd to acceptance, but at the same time it's like I was feeling undeniable feelings of a crush. Why can't I have normal dreams. I can't even rest. My day is ruined, I'm afraid I can't recover from this because all these feelings may have been not real, but they weren't false, they were true. I experienced attraction, i think, and I don't deserve to live. I think I'm a sick monster that is attracted to triggers. Because this what felt like it happened in the dreams. And my dreams are not a continuous scenery in which I do not have agency, in my dreams, like this one, I think and feel in first person, I'm 100% conscious (while not knowing im inside a dream). So there is no excuse of it being just a weird dream. My thoughts were egodystonic to it, but the feelings felt like they were egosyntonic and I was in denial, because I straight up felt prettiness or something like a crush emanating from the aura of the trigger. Maybe because it was my fear? But then why did it become like a sort of "attraction" in the end? Was that part something less conscious and more dream-driven? I'm just hoping, grasping at straws.