I’m scared, and I wish I could just not be - Rant

Hey everyone. I need a friend right now. I feel like you guys are the only ones who understand truly. And I need advice. And I need a friend. Specifically one who gets periods. I have been on here a few times complaining my period is late and the OCD it brings up to me. I’m celibate. Abstinent? Technically still a virgin. So is my partner. We don’t want the risk of kids. And abstinence is the best way. We have no stable life to give them so it isn’t an option- Despite this every month my period is late. Even just by a day or even if I’m not early. I assume I’m pregnant. It’s a huge fear of mine. Every single month. The specifics of this fear is one of a few. My lovely partner did something to me in my sleep. I know he’d never do anything without my consent so it then moves too. You cheated on him. And just don’t remember. Then it turns to no one will believe you. And you’ll lose the trust of everyone you love. And they’ll all abandon you (that’s where most of my stuff goes too. Being alone) with some sick ones of looking at every male around me with suspicion because if not my partner then who. Because my brain convinced me somehow I fell pregnant impossibly. This is the longest I have ever gone without a period. 48 days I’m pretty sure since the last one. I haven’t skipped a period since I was 11. I have felt period symptoms I thought. A cramp sensation in my ovaries, sensitive nips. All things I have felt before a period before. But no period. My brain is twisting these too though. Then there is the “oh no what if it’s something worse. Like a cancer or anything like that” which freaks me out a lot. My last few periods were (tmi) brown or black-ish? Like the blood wasn’t fresh. I went to the doctors, given my cousin having PCOS. And me having some symptoms that match. She wanted me to do a blood test. I have been putting it off. Scared to know and scared to not. I can’t bring myself to go. Mainly because they never find my veins so I become a pin cushion sometimes with no results. But also because I’m so scared. It’s nearly been a week since I last tried to let them take blood.. I can’t do what I need to do. And I’m terrified. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could do it. But I simply can’t get myself too. Please help me anyone. How do I get through this?

Young adults with OCD

Tavia Gary

Date posted: 10h

I can feel your distress and I'm really sorry you're caught up in this. I see you and you're not alone. I'm closing my eyes and trying to figure out what to say or suggest that could be helpful. The one thing I know is that OCD is a liar. How can I help? I'm just a stranger on the internet who's just figured out that I have OCD that starts treatment and therapy tomorrow morning. So I'm at the beginning of understanding and overcoming OCD but I've been living with the hell it creates for almost 50 years. Divine love has brought me here as I'm finally ready to face the obsessive and intrusive thoughts and I believe that same power can and is acting in your life to lead you down the road of healing.

GR-W

Date posted: 9h

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, the fears that OCD causes can be so awful and debilitating. I do relate to you on this one, I am also a virgin and I’m terrified of getting pregnant, so the pregnancy scares with a late period (or sometimes even in a period lol) is something I have experienced and it is so horrible! The absurd ways that OCD causes one to ‘believe’ they could be pregnant when it isn’t possible is insane and the one where one believes they have had sex and then forgotten about it is definitely one I’ve had too. I find that OCD tends to hyper fixate on whatever things cause one the most anxiety and then finds away to make that anxiety worse, which sucks so so much. I’m afraid I don’t think I have much advice specifically, but I can say that you are definitely not alone in this, however much your OCD wishes you to believe you were as it can then cause you more anxiety. I know that trying to find certainty is, sometimes/often, a compulsion in itself (so might be the wrong advice to give here) but I think that if for you, if you can have those blood tests or even take a pregnancy test (even though I know that you aren’t pregnant) it will give you something of reality to latch onto, something that your brain can less easily warp into a ‘what if’ and it may help you to ground yourself a little in what must be an avalanche of emotions right now. I don’t know if I am giving the right advice here and being able to talk to a therapist about trying to reduce the anxiety at its core instead of relying on external things to being that calm is what will help your OCD the most, but I know that that can be hard and maybe right now to have something solid to ground yourself with would help? Again, please don’t take my advice as fact as I myself still struggle with OCD daily, but at least you can know you aren’t alone

marlie123

Date posted: 10h

I also have really bad OCD regarding pregnancy🥲 it’s good to know I’m not alone

komorebi11

Date posted: 10h

@marlie123 It feels so isolating.. do you to think your pregnant when in reality it couldn’t even be possible? I feel it every month. And this one the worst because my period is the latest it’s ever been. Because when I’m scared about “pregnancy” everyone just looks at me with suspicion. Like I’m lying about my celibacy. And then my brain tries to make me think I am too. I’m so scared and tired :(

marlie123

Date posted: 10h

@komorebi11 I feel you!! I take so many measures to avoid getting pregnant yet i still constantly worry about it.🥲 It’s important to remember that recognizing that you have an issue is the first step in solving it! We will get there someday

Your Rubber ...

Date posted: 7h

This is a theme that has come up a lot in my anxiety/OCD spiral as well over the years. I'm certain you and your therapist will be able to get through this together. I did and if I can anyone can.

JeffTheGiraffe

Date posted: 5h

That’s commendable that you’re that thoughtful about your future children. That’s at least something to feel good about.

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