Relationship Anxiety

I’ve been experiencing relationship OCD for about two months now but for the last two weeks it’s been really bad. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the last nine and a half months and it’s been a dream. we get along so well, we hang out all the time, we never fight because we see eye to eye on most everything and if we don’t we figure it out, and we’ve talked about and know we’re going to spend our lives together. A couple days after Valentine’s Day an intrusive thought popped in my head: “do you really want to be with her?” Of course this freaked me out because I do want to be with her, and I love her so much that I never even pondered a thought scaring me so much. I told her about it a week later and she’s supportive of me because she knows those aren’t my actual thoughts. The last week and a half have been bad. It’s ramped up a lot, I don’t really eat, I haven’t been sleeping well, I have panic attacks multiple times a day because I’m scared the thoughts are getting stronger and they’ll actually push me to break up with her, which would be the biggest mistake of my life if I did. She’s out of the country this week so it’s been harder to see her and ground myself, so I’ve just spun my wheels and kept telling myself that I do love her, I do want to be with her, and looking at pictures of her when I was happier (not that I’m only unhappy in our relationship, I’m unhappy in life), but nothing is getting through to me like it used to. Every time I think of her I have this burning feeling in my face almost like guilt, but I’m not guilty for being with her. I know those feelings aren’t actually mine and I consciously love her, but it’s getting harder and harder to fight those thoughts that have now manifested themselves into feelings. The feelings make me feel like i don’t want to be with her and I would be happier without her but i know it’s not the truth. I believe she is my person and she believes the same thing about me, and we can’t both be wrong. I also believe if you love someone consciously and you make the choice to be with them the feelings will come back again at some point. I know the feelings are in my heart and I just need to get them back out. My biggest issue is spinning my wheels feels better because it means that I’m fighting the thoughts and feelings but I know it’s making everything worse.

Young adults with OCD

mycobiont

Date posted: 17h

I have these thoughts too! I kind of interpreted them like its proof that you love them, you’re just scared of not loving them Every time I’ve had those spirals I come out feeling more confident. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now, those spirals happened at least two times and I don’t think the last time bothered me because much. I knew it was like the times before! Also my best advice is to know that true love has dips, your feelings and your partners feelings will have its ups and downs, it sounds scary but knowing that is important because there’s a misconception that love will always stay exactly how it is 😊 Love has waves and holding their hand through the lows is what keeps it strong

JDCompton

Date posted: 16h

@mycobiont Is there anything you tell yourself when the spirals come? I’ve tried telling the thoughts that they are stupid, that it’s not me that believes that, and the standard script of how I want to be with her and I love her but not much has made it better.

mycobiont

Date posted: 16h

@JDCompton I mostly try to ground myself with going outside in nature, being in the woods and around birds and smelling everything helps clarity Get a coffee or drink you like before doing that:D Also the typical having an outdoor hobby is wildly occupying and helpful as cliche as it sounds

mycobiont

Date posted: 16h

@mycobiont (Also the big taking advice from a professional before a commenter) 😄 some things that seem helpful might not be helpful, therapists can teach the truly helpful methods for you specifically

JDCompton

Date posted: 16h

@mycobiont I have been working on trying to get clarity back but when I go on walks all I can find myself thinking about is my girlfriend and I repeat the same stuff over and over again. I just started seeing a therapist which should help but I’m very impatient and it leads to me spiraling almost any time. It also doesn’t help that it feels like the feelings are gone but I know it’s just the OCD so I try to stir myself up to try to get back to how I felt before.

Nightwing98

Date posted: 17h

I have been there myself. That is so scary and really throws you for a loop. I am currently working through these same types of fears. I’ve been engaged for a few weeks and it has really ramped up my anxiety. Are you going to therapy through NOCD? I have really appreciated my therapist here and he has helped me work through these fears through ERP. Hang in there :)

JDCompton

Date posted: 17h

@Nightwing98 I am seeing a therapist but it’s one that’s local to me and not through NOCD but I just started with him and I wish I could just do the sessions with him every day. I feel good about it and when I talk about my girlfriend to a new person it makes me feel better than just spinning my wheels to my family members who already know how I feel about her and know how much I do love her and want to be with her.

stephbsmith93

Date posted: 1h

Hey there! I totally understand what you’re going through here with your ROCD, as I have been there myself with my boyfriend more times than I would really like to admit… Being a mental health therapist (so, not specific to just OCD!) as well, though, the first coping skill that came to mind for me to share with you here for possibly giving a nice shot would be the mindfulness exercise known as Leaves on a Stream, from ACT/DBT. I really believe that familiarizing yourself with and then doing this practice regularly could help you take away all the power which your rumination over your intrusive thoughts related to your dating relationship with your girlfriend has stolen from you in recent times, and thereby, allow you to reclaim it for yourself and lead a much happier romantic life that may even flow into improving your overall lifestyle, too, in the long run. Please see more information regarding this technique and how to do it below, if you would like, and also, feel free to share your experience with it in session with the guy who is your actual counselor (teehee! 🤭). If it’s not your jam in the end, know in advance that that’s totally alright— allll the more reason to just keep exploring with him around what *will* work most for you in these circumstances. Genuinely wishing you the very best of luck, either way the wind blows, man!!! 😜😊🍃💧

stephbsmith93

Date posted: 1h

@stephbsmith93

stephbsmith93

Date posted: 1h

@stephbsmith93

stephbsmith93

Date posted: 1h

@stephbsmith93

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