This past week I’ve been so good with my hocd and just tonight I spiraled grrrrrr I’m so over this My friends and I were doing this thing with the magic 8 ball and my ex bf left me 4 months ago and we asked it if I’d ever find a man and it said no 3 times than a yes, than my friend (who doesn’t know about my hocd) said “maybe ask if you’ll find a woman” and I just laughed and didn’t ask but it triggered me so much

I still do lol.....I can’t even find a girl pretty anymore without wondering if I wanna be with her when I truly just wanna be her. I hate this :( do you feel like that at times to?

@annehatesocd Yes I constantly wonder and analyze. I think we’re physically attractive and we need to learn we are okay with that. I usually just am jealous on how pretty a girl is. Like ugh she’s lucky. You know?

@advice? Yeah there three specific girls that I was obsessed with because I wanted to look like and be them and now I’m scared that I’m a lesbian

I did the magic 8 ball thing but with a coin

@advice? Ya I’m like “omg can my waist be that small” or “can I be that curvy” or “can my boobs look like that in a shirt??” Or stuff like that cause then when I do look somewhat like them I feel so happy and am like “yes!”?? (which is rare) but it’s not like how I’ll drool over a boys chest or be like O.o

@annehatesocd There’s three specific girls o was obsessed with because I wanted to be them and now I’m scared I’m a lesbian

@cloudqueen Ya it’s making me obsess about girls looks....does this happen with you??

@annehatesocd Yeah I’m so scared to be lesbian it’s like I’ve done things like watch prom even master bate to photos of girls but I had a porn addiction so I would masterbate to A lot of stuff and now I’m scared I am ughhh

@cloudqueen I was sexually assaulted by a man for 3 years when I was a kid sooooo I’ve always been anxious around guys but before this even hit I was a 12 year old almost 13 year old girl and was like “I think I’m starting to like boys” and I remember having crushes and wanting boys to hold my hand and then being anxious around boys. My dad also I’ve seen go through depression and anger issues, leading to emotional abuse (he’s better now) so I’ve had quite a bad perception on guys. And ya one of my guy friends just recently disrespected me (slapped my vagina and grabbed my boob, I didn’t say anything but he knows we’re strictly friends, haven’t rlly talked to him much since) and ya. Idk I’m just so over this. Like I wanna marry a guy, but then when I get turned on by one I feel bad and dirty and I remember feeling like that when I was being sexually assaulted cause it brings back those memories. But then my ocd uses it as “it’s cause your gay” and I don’t get genuine arousal by girls and ugh it’s so damn frustrating. There’s only ever been one guy who I can get turned on by and not feel wrong with it and that was my ex who left 4 months ago and it’s been so hard without him :(

@cloudqueen My hocd has been on and off since I was 13 along with other obsessions since I was like 7.

@annehatesocd Yeah I understand I also have terriable self confidence and esteem so I get super nervous around guys I’m only 16 year old virgin and I’ve only kissed one boy so I’m scared about the porn I’ve watched and what over masterbated to means I’m lesbian