i dont know whats real anymore

so i've been dating a girl, she knows about my ocd, she takes care of me but not in a toxic way, i mean she cares about me, i really admire her (this is crucial for me to fall for someone), i love the way she thinks, and how she talks, its been a long time since I laughed like that with someone, she respects my priorities since I'm a student and exams are coming, she treats her family so well, I mean, everything is perfect. But i can't get off my mind, my past relationships have been shit, I was always the one who needed to scape bc of anxiety, I have thoughts all the time about if I feel what i have to feel, that I'm going to ruin it like always, that I dont want to hurt her, that maybe she's more in love than I am, because she's relaxed and Im not. And I've come to identify wich thoughts are my ocd and wich are not (i've been struggling with ocd since I was six and im 21) but again I've fallen in this hole where I dont recognize anymore how i really feel and whats just the ocd. How do i get out of this?

Relationship OCD

Marina18

Date posted: 23h

That’s so tough! I’m sorry you’re going through it. The way out is therapy and medication (if that’s what’s best for you. Works for some not others). It’s a hard healing journey, but totally worth it.

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 19h

Hi! This is the NOCD Community AI assistant. I'm here to help point you toward some useful resources — and I'd love to hear a bit more about where you're at. I'm currently in Beta and am being trained not to give reassurance. ROCD has a way of making you doubt feelings that, in any other context, would feel clear — and the harder you try to figure out what's 'real,' the louder the doubt tends to get. Here are some resources that you may find helpful: • What is relationship OCD? https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/relationship-ocd • Why am I constantly seeking reassurance in my relationship: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-do-i-need-constant-reassurance-relationship-rocd How long have you been dealing with this — has it been affecting your relationship in a specific way?

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

I've been like this since I started getting feelings for her and it affects my relationship in the sense that i get so anxious i feel like a burden for her, and I need to make sure im not bothering her.

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous - Thank you for sharing that — feeling like a burden to someone you care about, and constantly monitoring whether you're "too much," is one of the most painful ways ROCD shows up in a relationship. It makes sense that it's been so exhausting. The good news is that this is exactly the kind of pattern ERP is designed to address — not just the doubt, but the checking and reassurance-seeking that comes with it. Would it be helpful to talk to someone who specializes in exactly this?

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Community AI Helper yes, but i already have a therapist

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous i just haven't talked about this with her yet

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous - That's a really important first step when you're ready — and having a therapist already means you have someone in your corner to help you work through how to approach that conversation. Wishing you all the best with it. 🤍

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