Sexual orientation ocd

Lesbian? I think…I feel like more of a trans man but won’t transition bc I’ve heard hrt can change ur sexual orientation (different story for a different time but I’ve wondered if denying myself of transition due to fear of liking guys might just be a huge compulsion) anyways, I’ve always found men gross and never understood attraction to them but now, I am getting tons of fantasies about men and lots of curiosity but I HATE it. It repulses me and makes me deeply anxious and upset, yet it turns me on. Like, I’ll get extremely turned on by fantasies of men and will get off to them but then afterwards I’m so bothered by that. It seems like genuine curiousity about what being w a guy is like but I’m not happy about that bc I find men so unappealing in terms of looks…Help me. I do not want to like men. I’m also not doing compulsions the way I used to when I had my first round w orientation ocd years ago which is truly freaking me out bc that means I’m rlly becoming attracted to men now. Before w my orientation ocd, it didn’t feel like genuine curiosity but now, it feels like I am actually curious bc when I fantasize I get strong urges to try things w a man but once I get off i realize I don’t truly wanna do that and I was just turned on. Idk what to do. I’ll be rlly not okay if my sexuality changes.