Recovery and Remission Update

Hello friends, I wanted to share with you that I am happily in remission and would say that I’m 95% improved from my LOW in 2023. In 2023, I decided to quit my meds (Cymbalta) cold turkey after ten years of taking them and remission. Previously, I hadn’t been officially diagnosed with OCD, but instead a generalized anxiety disorder. I had engaged in CBT and meds for a few years (2011-2013) before my condition improved and I was able to go on with my life, career, and not be controlled by my thoughts. Unfortunately, my psychiatrist never connected the dots and identified my OCD (health) despite the almost weekly ER visits, doctors, tests, procedures, ruminating, reassurance seeking, and researching. To my defense, no one ever told me that I’d have to take meds the rest of my life either. After ten years of feeling great, I felt I was good to stop. WRONG. I spiraled and my OCD discovered a new theme. A much scarier theme than thinking I was dying of some incurable illness. And of course, my theme was “real”… Felt absolutely real to me. I lost more than 25 lbs and became a shell of a man. For the second time, my wife and children had to watch me lose control. I hated myself for them… Somehow I was able to keep my job and my marriage. I found a new psychiatrist who pinpointed all the OCD tendencies and strongly encouraged me to connect to NOCD (and to take new meds - Luvox). I completed two years of NOCD therapy and it saved me. Thankfully, I have great insurance. The American healthcare system is horrible - to think some people can’t receive help because of the expense is insane. Don’t get me started… After two years, I felt I was 75% improved, but mornings were still difficult for me. I talked to my provider and we switched me back to Cymbalta. It’s what I needed, given my previous positive experience with it. I think the SNRI was better than the SSRI for me. While leaving NOCD, I found a local therapist to meet with monthly for some ICBT and to keep tabs on my condition. I’m back to taking a maintenance dose of Cymbalta (30mg) - which gives me very few side effects. I have put all the weight back on too. What’s my takeaway? Get professional help asap. There is no shame in it. And take meds or supplements. Should diabetics be afraid to take insulin to live? We shouldn’t be embarrassed if we need medication either. Clearly, I have a chemical imbalance as my mother does, too. I know I’ll need to be on them the rest of my life, too. The most difficult part was waiting the 12-16 weeks for the meds to start working. I needed benzos to help me get through that period of time. Once the meds kicked in, I’d say my worst improved from 0 to 40%. The rest came from therapy twice a week and HARD A$$ work!!! Don’t give into the 3 R’s! At my therapist’s encouragement, my wife would push the discomfort and give me plenty exposure and practice. I read every book on OCD and learned so much. But, I also used this platform and all of you! Some of you were the best and always there for me. Thank you!!!! Please don’t give up on yourself. OCD took me to some very dark dark dark places. Life is worth it. Work hard. Exercise daily. Multiple times a day. Force yourself. Get a dog or a cat to force you to think of something else (besides being along with your thoughts). Find some form of faith helps, too. And friends, remember, you are not your thoughts.