ROCD or Intuition?

I have been with my partner for 12 years, and we have a fantastic kid together. We bought a house and moved cross-country almost 2 years ago, and my partner switched careers and doesn’t make enough money to contribute. In that time, I’ve been working myself to the bone to make ends meet and begging my partner to find something more lucrative. He keeps saying he’ll do something to contribute more financially but he doesn’t. He’s a great partner in other ways but I can’t stop thinking about everything he is and does that I don’t like. Hyper-fixating on his flaws like he’s not as smart as me, he doesn’t make enough money, he doesn’t do enough around the house, he’s on his phone too much, he doesn’t cook healthy meals, he’s too lax with screen time rules with our son, etc and so on. It feels awful all the time, and has been this way since we moved. I’m miserable. But is this ROCD or should I actually leave someone who doesn’t pull their weight? I can’t imagine leaving and upsetting my kid like that but I feel like I’m dying in a life I hate with a person who doesn’t respect me enough to change. Is this true ROCD? Or have I convinced myself I’m crazy when I’m not the problem? I genuinely can’t tell.

Relationship OCD

mjr-rust

Date posted: 20h

I don't think it's ROCD to feel frustrated with your partner, but it may be in making you have extreme thinking (e.g., leaving) because of these problems. I know talking can only do so much—as it seems with the financial issue—but you should bring this up with him as well as the other problems you're having before doing anything drastic. I'm sorry you've been going through this; it sounds tiring on top of everything you have to do as well.

JennieJetPack

Date posted: 20h

@mjr-rust Thank you for your reply. I think you’re right — I have legitimate concerns and how my brain is handling them is making it worse. It’s just so hard to tell what is real right now.

Hello777

Date posted: 21h

Hi! It doesn’t sound like ROCD to me? It just sounds like you are frustrated. Did you feel this way before you moved? Did he want to move? Is he being passive-aggressive because maybe he didn’t want to move? I’m just thinking out loud. It seems like you are genuinely frustrated. Like he’s checking out of the situation for some reason. 🙏💖

JennieJetPack

Date posted: 20h

@Hello777 Thanks for your reply. I think I asked this question because I’ve definitely been frustrated before but this feels different? Though it still may not be ROCD. He did want to move, more than I did. But maybe this is just a case of needing to make a change externally and not internally.

Hello777

Date posted: 20h

@JennieJetPack Hi! I also agree with the comment below about not necessarily making any large, drastic decisions. Maybe just start making subtle shifts in your own life? Is that what you mean about external vs. internal shifts? For example, is there a way you can downsize so you don’t have to work so hard?

JennieJetPack

Date posted: 19h

@Hello777 I think that’s probably a good idea but I just bought this house not even 2 full years ago. It was such a big move that the idea of downsizing feels totally overwhelming. Still, I’ll think about it.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

I think you are in a state of chronic stress

JennieJetPack

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous I think you’re right.

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