Struggling with letting go of uncertainty (ROCD)

First post on here in a long time. I’ve been doing really good with my OCD after a couple years where it’s been bad. The last time I was done here was 2021 when I was struggling with my religious OCD. I remember feeling really scared and feeling really panicked but after many life events that occurred, I’ve been able to beat it and my relationship with God has become peaceful and I am proud to say I am no longer a sufferer from religious OCD. However, I now struggle with relationship OCD ironically enough. I have this issue where I’m scared I make my girlfriend feel bad by accidentally saying something “bad” and that she’s gonna get tired of me because of it or because of all my frequent apologies and reassurance seeking. I also get scared of the idea that my OCD is ruining my relationship or that i’m just ruining it in general even though I know logically there’s no signs of it and she’s even told me that she loves me so much and understands me and validates my pain. She’s even told me that I can’t ruin the relationship and when I have episodes like this she just wants me to be okay and she gives me a space to struggle and gives me compassion and care and is a really great girlfriend. We kind of have a complicated history with some traumatic moments that I won’t get into that also is a reason why I worry so its kinda hard to juggle the two truths now of who she was before to who she is now which also is making this a little harder. Sometimes when I bring those things up about the things she did, I worry that it makes her feel bad and that it’ll make her leave me too but I never try to bring it up in a blamey context but more in a healthy conversation once in a while context, but sometimes i get really emotional talking about it which makes me afraid that me crying about it will put her off and hate me or feel like we shouldn’t be together. It’s just a big mess inside my head really. It’s like a big mix of trauma and OCD together that has created a hypersensitive monster in my head. She understands my OCD and my mental health struggles because she is Bipolar as well and has been healthy after taking medication but I’ve been struggling because i’ve been unmedicated for years and I can’t afford medicine. My OCD is not debilitating to the point where it was years ago when I struggled with Scrupulosity, but this still bothers me a lot and makes me have bad brain fog and anxiety. Our relationship has been very peaceful as of recently and has been making me really happy and she’s been really happy too, but my brain is ALWAYS trying to make me hyper vigilant and be on the look out of maybe something bad is gonna happen and that I can never get too comfortable and it makes me never be able to enjoy her in the present moment which makes me feel worse. She has been a anchor for me during my OCD and she’s been here through everything but I guess i’m just scared it’s gonna get to a point and she’s gonna leave and that it’s gonna be my fault and that i’m ruining everything with this. What can I do to let go of the uncertainty and anxiety? And what can I do to have peace? Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you cope and how can I let go of that feeling that i’m ruining everything and that she’s gonna leave or do something bad or that she secretly hates me and wants to leave me? Any advice would be great.