(ROCD) When to Confess?0

I will start this by saying I KNOWWW I shouldn't confess as it's a compulsion- but how do I know when confessing is being communicative and honest? I don't have a habit to confess- I'm able to handle my instrusive thoughts and spirals privately without telling my boyfriend but recently something happened that I feel like I need to share with him. I was racing a car to be playful and because I felt attractive and powerful doing so- I didn't know who was in the car or what they looked like, not even their gender- I just saw a black car in my peripheral and started racing it a little. While doing so I didn't think much of it and just felt like it was fun and I felt attractive (I don't know why but I like to feel that people perceive me as attractive while I drive), then a second later I was like "wait am I flirting?", so I stopped trying to race the car immediately. I pulled up next to the car at a light and realized it was a man, which sent me into a spiral. I've been thinking about it nonstop and I've felt incredibly guilty. I will say that in the beginning of our relationship I got into some trouble because I flirted with someone while drunk. I told my boyfriend about it and he was upset, but forgave me and we moved on. I think ROCD latched onto that and ever since then I've worried that every interaction I have with a man is flirting. I feel like I should confess to my boyfriend out of respect because I am unsure if it was flirting or not. I know I shouldn't because I'm not 100% sure and will make him confused, but I'd rather be open and honest than keep a secret from him. Because I DID want to be perceived as cool and attractive by racing that car, even if I hadn't seen who was in it (for all I know it could've been an old person or something).. Flirty behavior or attention seeking..? It just feels like I flirted and I've fully convinced myself I flirted and that I NEED to tell my boyfriend. I think about him and think about how I'm hiding things and keeping secrets.. I'm not sure if it's the OCD speaking or not. There's many people here who will say that I need to sit with the OCD but it's been about three days and I still feel like I should tell him. Once again, to be honest and respectful of his boundaries. I can't imagine keeping secrets from him, especially if I broke a boundary.. I just honestly don't know what to do because people are saying I didn't flirt and that this isn't flirty behavior but I genuinely feel like it is. Thanks!

Relationship OCD

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15h

Your confession would be for your own benefit here not your partners. There is no conceivable case where telling them this has any benefit

Roryrororo

Date posted: 14h

Wouldn't it be honesty though?

Roryrororo

Date posted: 14h

I don't know if this is breaking a boundary because I feel really gross about it... Like even if people say it isn't flirting, I feel as if the attention seeking behavior is weird and needs to be discussed as to not disrespect my boyfriend

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

@Roryrororo It would be more disrespectful to tell them something just to make yourself feel better. Your mind is wrapping this up as something you need to do to 'help' your boyfriend but in reality it won't help them. It will make you feel better for a few minutes, possibly an hour or two and then you'll need to confess something else, or maybe even confess this again because you didn't 'tell the whole story'. It's a trap. A reasonable rule of thumb is would an average person confess this? In this case the answer is a clear no.

Roryrororo

Date posted: 14h

@titaniumonetwo Thank you, I'm just unsure if this is considered flirting or acting unfaithful. I don't typically confess to my boyfriend when I get instrusive thoughts because I know it's just instrusive.. But this all just feels too real. I WANTED to be seen as attractive and cool so I raced the car a little bit, even if I didn't know the gender or anything about the person in the car beside me.. It's very difficult, even if it isn't flirting it still feels wrong and unfaithful in a way, like if he heard I did this and have issues with attention seeking then he'd be very upset

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

@Roryrororo The best option here is the standard OCD response. Maybe it is flirting, maybe it isn't. Everyone wants to be seen as attractive. You might even at times do things specifically because that person IS attractive. I'm married and I can tell you if I met Anne Hathaway I'd certainly want to impress her... My wife would probably be a bit giddy if she met Jason Statham. Neither of us would cheat, neither of us would feel we needed to confess ...

Roryrororo

Date posted: 13h

@titaniumonetwo Thank you!!! I definitely gotta remind myself that it's a normal response, haha I mean my boyfriend has literally told me before that he leaves his shirts halfway unbuttoned for sex appeal while he performs with his band.. OCD definitely blows things up though, everyday I feel a little better about the situation but I still feel guilty and as if I'm hiding things from him

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