Is it normal to not miss your partner? Or should I always want them around? I’m home for a few days seeing my parents and I have anxiety about not missing my boyfriend. I of course compulsed and FaceTimed him to test myself but all I felt was anxiety and OCD over his appearance. I just think I should be attracted to him always, and I’m not. I can’t tell if this is just a normal couples thing, or I’m having bad ROCD. Help!

Relationship OCD

isssss93

Date posted: 5y

I use to have those thoughts as well. Those thoughts later drove me to break up with the guy I was with. But eventually I realized that the only reason I had those thoughts was because I was so afraid of losing my partner that created fear and checking. Which then led to looking at any little thing that I did not like about my partner and obsessing about it more. For me it was just a fear. A fear of committment, a fear of being vulnerable to love, and a fear of my partner not being perfect. But you have to realize that no one will ever be and focus on the happy moments. The reason you fefear because in the back of your mind you probably do not want to lose him as your partner. Which means you truly do care.

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

Yup! Everyone needs space from their partner and distance makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. At first, you likely won’t miss then and simply appreciate some time being just yourself again. But eventually you’ll likely start to miss them, with enough time. If you can’t be without your partner for a few days without falling apart, I’d consider that a much less healthy relationship. Codependency isnt love.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

My opinion ROCD I go through the same shit it’s awful but try and ride it out

hiitsemmy

Date posted: 5y

This is ROCD! The most important thing is to recognize it! Trust me, I have the exact same situation as you do, we can do it! Honestly learning about rocd like watching videos and reading really helps me recognize that those thoughts that I experience are irrational and emotionally driven- not driven by fact

d126

Date posted: 5y

But how do you not wonder if this is worth exploring? There’s so much pressure around me to get engaged and I just can’t imagine that right now. Also his family and going away with him causes crippling anxiety as well. It’s hard to ignore this.

hiitsemmy

Date posted: 5y

@df126 It is incredibly difficult, trust me, I have broken up with my boyfriend twice because of my obsessions and an incredible urge that he was not right for me. Its not that you cant wonder whether its worth exploring or not; do everything on your own time. Its incredibly important to recognize your symptoms when you get them (eg: second guessing your love, constantly wondering whether he’s the right person, etc) when you find the pattern, you will find the key. Meaning really focus on what may make your ocd flare up and work with the situations! Educate yourself on this rocd, it has helped me so much

hiitsemmy

Date posted: 5y

@sorryitsemmy Maybe read up on rocd and watch videos. iocdf.org has stories under subtypes of ocd and intrusivethoughts.org has many resources. Apart from those resources, you will find many more and knowledge really is the best thing you can have in your situation

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Are irrational thoughts always emotionally driven?

elleeen

Date posted: 5y

Me too, i do it all the time. I hate it

d126

Date posted: 5y

Unfortunately it just doesn’t feel that way. I’ve ran scenarios in my head of him leaving or giving me a reason to break up and it relieves me.

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

Maybe you don’t want to be with him. Or maybe you feel relief because you know you’d no longer have to deal with ROCD about him if he were gone. In a sense, that would be a relief. But it will follow you into future relationships if you don’t deal with the OCD.

anonymous_an...

Date posted: 25w

Questioning is it normal?

Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)

Mika05

Date posted: 22w

Worried about not being anxious?

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

Matlock

Date posted: 20w

My ROCD is driving me away from my boyfriend

I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?

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