Need to vent…

You are not alone ❤️ That sounds like a LOT of difficult things all at once. Are you able to reach out to your therapist? Since they better know your situation and your OCD, they’ll have a clearer sense of what would be most helpful right now — and also questions to ask to help you figure out how *you* want to move forward (rather than how your *OCD* wants you to move forward). When I am in the middle of real-life difficulty, my OCD will spike and out will come lots of compulsions and new themes and emotions and lots of regret and beating myself up. I’ve found it really helpful to: — Lean all the way into my ERP tools. Ride the waves of intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions, rather then fighting them or trying to solve them. Bust out my NERs. Write out my thoughts to collect myself and identify my OCD vs me. — Lean into self compassion. My favorite way to do this is to say to myself “this is hard. And it’s okay that it’s hard. I am not alone. There are many people in the world going through this exact same thing right this minute. Let’s be kind and gentle to myself while I go through this.” This doesn’t fix the issue or make me feel better, but it helps me ride the emotions without making it worse. — Thinking about what I need to support myself through. Maybe it’s simplifying my to-do list. Maybe it’s reaching out to a friend. Maybe it’s finding alone time. Maybe it’s eating a full lunch. Etc. Hope that helps — sending prayers and love❤️‍🩹

I am so sorry about this. This must feel horrible. Is there any way that you can separate from him? Can you go somewhere or ask him to leave maybe? That is really damaging to you that he is doing that, and the fact that he asked to meet the woman is becoming serious. That’s one step away from full-blown cheating. I don’t want to tell you what to do other than protect yourself and put up serious boundaries. Also, if he’s on Only Fans, he’s spending your money on that. I would act swiftly on this one. These are some major red flags. It’s not just an emotional affair I bet if they met on Only Fans. I’m sure they have done things online together. This is serious!! Also, you don’t want him to pass on a disease to you!