Mental Compulsions Are Very Tricky

I thought I was getting much better at handling my OCD, moving quicker from spirals and practicing the internal affirmation that “it’s just my OCD” and “this is not real” or “this intrusive thought did not actually happen, it’s just my OCD making it feel urgent and real”. But then I realize that I am still mentally compulsing, just differently now. I’ll still seek a way to justify that intrusive thought being what it is, but I find myself still disproving the intrusive thought by mentally reviewing what that scenario would have been anyway, to “prove innocence” or prove that it’s not real. This itself is a compulsion.. I apparently haven’t really let the thought go or been able to sit with it and proceed with my day. So now my mental compulsions have just kind of adjusted instead, but it’s still compulsing! Is anyone going through this or experiencing this back and forth? Thank you. Appreciate this community.

False Memory OCD

Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Mental compulsions are VERY sneaky. I’m four years into ERP and I still catch them. But over time they become easier to catch and you can stop them before they start or interrupt them mid compulsion.

Dianne Mae

Date posted: Yesterday

@Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠 Thanks for replying! I’m 3 months into ERP and do feel so much more capable and better overall, but it’s funny how it sneaks up on you … even just the week after I was feeling so much peace. It was a reality check that healing really isn’t linear, and I’ll be experiencing this forever but hoping to get quicker at letting go. Some days I am able to quickly let go genuinely, and others the spiral comes so quickly I don’t even have time to realize what’s happening and I’m already compulsing!

Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@Dianne Mae Yes, it definitely sneaks up on you. It’s eye-opening how clueless we were before therapy. Just going day to day, doing compulsions and getting caught in the loop. Now I can tell when a flare up is arising and I can let loved ones know what’s coming up and that I’m going to be a little extra tender around the edges. It’s easily identifiable now. The most important thing I have learned is to be gentle with myself and self-compassionate.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

@Robyn🪴🧘🏻‍♀️🧠 Love this!

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Maybe I did a mental compulsion; maybe I didn’t. You can’t control every thought. Just shift out when you notice them

gattini

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

OCD is so good at adapting and moving the goal post for what we have to deal with. ⚽️ It's like soccer: you defeat one team and move up, proceeding through the brackets toward the playoffs. Now you're facing the tougher teams. They play better and they know your moves, so they can be trickier and harder to beat. You have to work harder than you did before, and sometimes you're playing on a bad knee. It might seem like you're awful at soccer, period (black and white thinking), but the reality is that you're playing in a different league now. Have grace for yourself, remind yourself of how far you've come, and keep at it. You can't predict what the opponent will bring, but you know enough about soccer that you can put up a good match. Plus, there's always practice. And you have a team of support around you, so you're not expected to go out on the field alone. 🏟

Dianne Mae

Date posted: 18h

@gattini This is such a great way of thinking about it — thank you!!

gattini

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

@Dianne Mae Happy to help 🙂

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Are those mantras you repeat compulsions? It seems like some could be reassurance seeking. Maybe check with your therapist, the last one seems like some reassurance

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes they’re so fucking hard to stop bc they feel automatic and you can’t see them.

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