How do I stop.

How do I stop comparing my relationship now with my ex. To make a long story short. My ex and I were both leaning anxiously attached and I ended up feeling like her caretaker. She would always get hurt and ruin outings. And always needed me to coddle her to feel ok, as well as used me For the money I made while she didn’t have a job. She was gross. Unorganized and let her room get so disgusting that I ended up cleaning it on multiple occasions. Sometimes she’d help sometimes she wouldn’t because she was “hurting” i broke up with her because I started having doubts kinda similar to ROCD. “I dont know if I want to marry this girl” and realizing i found her kinda unattractive. This caused massive anxiety until i talked to my mom where she confirmed she felt like my ex used me and we werent meant for eachother. So I broke up with her. She texted me on multiple different apps when i said i needed space and even came to my house screaming and cursing at me as well as throwing my clothes all over my front porch. After that i realized she was nuts and i continued no contact even as she persisted the next month. 4 months after I met the love of my life. She was super attractive which drew me to her but also i loved her as a person. We ended up getting together. Weve had our own issues through the relationship but have continued to help eachother fix our bad habits including my co dependence i brought from my last relationship. But i feel like we make so much more sense together. I love how she has her own life and I’m her compliment. But ocd has twisted it so much saying things like “ you and your ex were better” “you and your girlfriend are toxic” And it makes me dwell on my last relationship and my current one comparing them. I love my girlfriend and want to continue to work with her and love her. Any tips, stories of success, or sentiment would help me a lot right now. Thanks for reading :)

Relationship OCD

Amara

Date posted: 14h

Hey, I just want to say first—what you’re going through makes a lot of sense, especially with OCD. This doesn’t sound like you actually thinking your ex was better. It sounds like OCD is latching onto your past and using it to create doubt about something you care about now. From what you described, your last relationship sounded really draining and unhealthy. And your current one sounds more balanced, where both of you have your own lives and support each other. That’s a huge difference. But OCD doesn’t care about logic—it goes after what matters to you. So it throws thoughts like “what if your ex was better” or “what if this is toxic” just to get you stuck in comparing and analyzing. The more you try to figure it out or compare, the stronger it gets. The way out isn’t to prove your current relationship is better—it’s to stop engaging with the comparisons altogether. When those thoughts show up, try something like: “maybe, maybe not” and bring your focus back to the present instead of replaying the past. Also, the fact that you want to be with your girlfriend and work on the relationship says a lot more than any intrusive thought. ROCD does this to a lot of people, especially after a difficult past relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person. It means your brain is trying to find certainty where it can’t. You’re allowed to just choose your relationship without solving every doubt.

Kaizen.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@Amara Thankyou so much. I tend to dwell on what I did wrong in my past relationship and it always feels like a threat. Like I how I perpetuated the gross room. All that said I really appreciate your words of encouragement. It means the world

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