POCD / In tears at family gathering/fear of touching? Any advice please. 34 y/o male. Have been suffering with POCD groinal reactions, ROCD, scrupulously, etc for many years. Does anyone fear that they are trying to touch or rub against people? Sometimes this thing will happen where something will provoke me to move my body (like turn around or move out of the way of something) and I’ll worry that what’s actually happening is that I’m trying to rub against someone. This happened last year at a party I was at where a woman walked by and I moved away to let her by, but was really worried that I had actually tried to touch her. The same thing happened again today only with my 11 year old niece. Having POCD, I have had horrifying groinal reactions/false arousal around her. God, I hate this disorder. I would never dream of doing anything inappropriate to her. OCD has been a terror to me for the last few family gatherings. I think something got my attention in the line to get food from the kitchen counter and I turned to get out of the way. In the split second that it took me to turn around, I heard one of the kids in our family (couldn’t tell if it was my niece or nephew) approach. I am really, really worried that I had an impulse to rub against my niece in this split second. I was horrified. I would never ever under any circumstances try to do something inappropriate to my niece, but I’m worried that my body just did it on its own. Turns out, it was my nephew standing behind me and I didn’t even touch him when I turned around. I am relieved that I didn’t bump into him, but I can’t help but wonder - what was my intention? Did my body really move to touch what I thought was my niece? Anyone relate?

I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?

I was sitting down and my child wanted me tl hug her. She extended her arms. I leaned in and hugged her but my pocd freaks out says “dont brush up lr do anything inappropriate. Dont thrust my hips”. I leaned in and hugged her. I had these intrusive thoughts and worries. I hugged her still and i think i did compulsions to avoid these pocd and intrusive thoughts. I moved on and now im habing doubts and false memories on the details. I know as i hugged her i worried about brushing up or hips thrusting and i was anxious and uncomfortable. I known its ocd. I still hugged my child. Despite ocd discomfort. I thought i felt my body react like a hip thrust twitch or maybe its just in my head. I dont want to hip thrust. Thats why my mind was freaking out worrying about it when she asked for anhug. My therapist said my ocd and anxiety and these intrusive thiughts can cause my body to involuntarily react and do those things my ocd is obssessing over like hip thrusting or twitches or groinals down there.

Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.