Compulsions

I just scrolled on instagram through my bf’s entire following and all I saw was pretty girls…I went to every single profile. I just want to sleep but now I can’t stop thinking if he wants to leave me for any of these girls, and he is best friends with some of them. The other day, I saw that one of his best friends texted “you never called me back :(“ and he reassured her he’ll call her soon (he was with me). This made me uncomfortable because they’re not dating and he shouldn’t feel obligated to call her. Honestly, I get uncomfortable that he talks on the phone with other girls in general. Still trying to figure out what’s relationship boundaries vs. my ocd. He volunteered for us to go through his phone but he held it the whole time so I didn’t see too much but there are some convos with another girl he never shares. I don’t want to not trust him but this has been an ongoing issue and I always feel like I’m competing with these girls for his attention :(

Relationship OCD

Dianne Mae

Date posted: Yesterday

I used to compulse about this same thing and I will tell you that spiraling and scrolling on social media doesn’t help. But I think you’re valid in feeling concerned or having doubt (and it isn’t necessarily just OCD) and this may be a good opportunity to talk to your partner about it. Let him know how serious it’s affecting you, and having that honest dialogue will go a long way. Highly recommend stepping away from your phone when you find yourself checking like that. If you notice more and more something that is bothering you, it’s okay to bring it up in conversation. 🤍

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@Dianne Mae Thank you for the reply! I know it doesn’t help. I got instagram back recently and I’ve been contemplating just deleting it again but I think it could be used as an exposure for therapy so I’ve kept it so far. What if my partner isn’t responsive when I try to communicate? I’ve confronted him about talking to other girls on the phone but he acts like it’s completely normal so I just feel like I’m making a big deal for nothing. I’m definitely willing to talk with him about it again though, I just wouldn’t know if I would say the right things. I try to tell myself that his friends were there before me, and we share a couple of those friends so sometimes it helps to put that in perspective. But thank you for reminding me it’s okay to bring up in conversation. I struggle with communicating in my relationship and feeling afraid of the outcome. I’m working on it!!

Dianne Mae

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous You got this! It takes time and it won’t be perfect especially because you can’t control what the other person says and how he reacts. All you can control is how you navigate your side of the conversation. And by being in therapy and being self aware, you are already on an incredible track. I wish I did therapy and had a space to discuss this back when I was in the thick of this pattern, because it was unfortunately a pattern for way too long. Check in with yourself and practice staying grounded! When you feel the spiral 🌀 coming, figure out what you can do differently.

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