ROCD or real feelings??

I’m having difficulties distinguishing between legit feelings and OCD thoughts about my relationship. I’ve been dating this guy for a few months. He lives an hour and a half away, so it’s been a lot of driving (he doesn’t have a car because everything is walking distance for him). The drive felt worth it at first, but now I’m just exhausted. A few weeks into dating, I found out he was still on tinder and messaging people. We concluded it as a miscommunication due to different dating cultures (he’s from South Korea), but my trust hasn’t been 100% with him since then. He did delete his profile and I haven’t seen anything suspicious since then. And no, I did not go through his phone, I saw a notification pop up from it while he was showing me a video. Also, when we first started dating he told me that he’s never cheated on anyone before. Well, the other night we got drunk and we were talking about our pasts. He mentioned having a girlfriend when he was in his young 20s, and how they would only see each other on the weekends, so he would go “be intimate” with other women during the week. I told him that’s cheating and he tried to say it was just for physical relief so it didn’t count as cheating to him. Then he told me they broke up because she cheated on him. And I’m just like “Buddy, you’re the villain here. You cheated on her first.” And he said basically that she never knew, so she was in the wrong for cheating on him. Anyways, he said he doesn’t see things that way anymore and wouldn’t cheat on me, but part of me feels like he’s full of shit. And now I’ve been getting thoughts like “I don’t care about texting him back anymore” “I don’t want to drive to his place next weekend, I’d rather just stay home” “the way he views certain things pisses me off and I don’t know if I can like someone like that” or I just simply get annoyed/irritated thinking about him. I am struggling to tell if they are OCD thoughts or my actual feelings. I do like spending time with him, but after some of these inconsistencies with being honest, I don’t know what to think anymore. Outside of these instances, he treats me great. He’s always cooking for me, buying me food, and tells me in cute/pretty constantly. Our sense of humor also goes really well together. So yeah, I don’t know.

birchboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I have ROCD traits and it makes being in a relationship challenging at times. I’m very happy for those people who can trust their gut and say things like “I knew the moment I met them I was gonna be with them forever.” My brain doesn’t work like that. I’ve been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and was living an hour away at one point. Pretty much every single day, at least so far, I question whether this is the right relationship for me, if I’m good enough for her, if this is the best decision for me, many many others. At the end of the day, my NOCD therapist has helped me get to point to say things like “I feel love for her,” “I enjoy spending time with her,” “she makes me laugh,” basically what are my values? What. Are. My. Values? And I do I want to live my life the best that I know how? No matter how much I obsess, compulse, seek certainty, I’ll never truly be able to know if this is the best relationship for me or the best thing for me. I admire your courage to wrestle through this. Embrace uncertainty. Love my values, the life I want to live. I can let the doubts, the ROCD be there, and still have a life worth living.

AnonymousCat

Date posted: 12h

I think this is a thing that is bothering you that is worth addressing further with him. You sound more level headed about this going against your values and wanting to ensure you’re on the same page. I don’t think this is ROCD rumination.

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