Hi, I’m sorry you’re having these thoughts! I too have had thoughts like these.
As a girlie who grew up on tumblr and reading Wattpad fanfics (usually One Direction), I didn’t really like the stories that included “Y/N”, but I took that concept and applied it to the stories I would read.
Meaning, I loosely insert myself into whatever storyline I’m reading, so I’d make the characters my age in my head. If they did mention an age, I’d again loosely relate it to when I was the described age (whether it was being a teenager or a middle aged adult) regardless of my current actual age.
This also made me engage with the story more as well, like omg what would I do in this totally realistic situation where I go on tour with One Direction and Harry Styles falls in love with me??? I’d change the outfit the main character was wearing because it wasn’t my style, or think about how I’d reword a conversation, or how I would’ve written the final chapter of a story because the actual ending broke my heart.
I am aware this requires being kind of a chronic fangirl and/or fanfic reader, but I’d also just apply these things to real books I’d read at school as well.
For example, my fiance and I watch a lot of Takedown with Chris Hansen, and today he said something to the effect of, “I literally don’t get why guys do this, they never have a valid reason for trying to meet minors”. To which I explained, “it’s okay that you don’t understand because you’ve never been inclined to pursue a minor. It doesn’t make sense to you because you’d never think about doing that, and that’s something that’s okay to not understand.”
All this to say, if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably because you don’t understand why people would do such things, because you would never do such things - and I think (personally, in my opinion) that’s a normal thing to not understand as a regular and decent human being. You don’t need to understand! Because it’s gross!
At the end of the day, you know yourself best. You might have these fleeting thoughts yes, but when you go to bed at night, you sleep knowing for a fact that you would never even entertain the idea of doing something along those lines. Because that’s what OCD likes to do, be weird and out of pocket. Maybe next time that thought passes through again, be kind to yourself and Check the Facts (DBT/CBT skill) - “hey brain that was a weird thought, but it’s not true/there’s no proof of that/I’m not like that so you can throw that thought away now, I’m just trying to read this story, thanks”.
I truly hope you can overcome these thoughts. Please let me know if this made any sense or I didn’t answer anything of what you asked, I also need reassurance lol take care!
