Racial OCD, Please Help, How to Resolve this???

TW: racism, implicit bias, racial ocd Heyyy.. so i am technically a conquerer, but i have really struggled with racial ocd. I actually am so pissed about this one bc before ocd i didnt have any biased thoughts, I actually was confused abt implicit bias bc i was like how is that a thing, dont people just feel neutral to everyone? But with ocd I have gotten A LOT of biased/racist thoughts, it initially started bc I was dating someone who had some problematic political takes but interrogating him about his takes around racism made me think things like "what if you're actually the racist one, you must think horrible things worse than he ever would and you are a hipocrite for having issues with some of his opinions bc hes not actually evil like you" and then the intrusive thoughts started. Every bias you could think of, I would see people of other races and immediately the stereotype of whatever bad thing was worst to think would come to my mind. And then I would analyze and try to erase it. I was afraid of making too little or too much eye contact with people, of being too nice or not nice enough. I was scared of saying something bad more than anything. I was constantly trying to prove to myself I wasn't racist, that I was good. I tried to start listening to more black musical artists bc my music was too white. I started watching more and more video essays about racism and following black creators so I could think the right thoughts. But it only got worse. I have been in recovery (kinda) for ocd and there are times when it gets better but one time in the past months I had a scary encounter with myself at a party when there was a song with a slur in it and I was really out of it and then a couple seconds after it was said I thought I had said it too. And this has sent me into a panic for awhile and whenever I think about it I feel sick bc I don't want to have said something evil or to be evil or to not know FOR SURE if I have done something horrible. I used to feel like I was a good person, like I cared about everyone, I was a good progressive who thought good thoughts and was going to make the world better by caring about equity and social justice bc it was the right thing to do. but now i always feel like a hipocrite. I have gotten better but I still cannot tell what is me being racist and what is an intrusive thought. Sometimes I feel feelings of fear around black people but I don't know if this is bc I have so much OCD related feelings to being racist that it triggers that OR if its racially/hatefully motivated. I have slurs in my brain all the time, I am so afraid I have or will say one. I dont know how to be progressive when I'm not sure if im good AT ALL. And I also know that even having this OCD is racist. I had a friend (BIPOC) once who when I briefly mentioned how I have struggled with fears of being racist, she said 'it's racist how much white people worry about being racist.' AND LOGICALLY, i know why this is true. I understand that it centers me in issues that aren't my own, that it makes the 'big obstacle' proving I'M PERSONALLY not racist, not actually getting rid of racist institutions and racism in general. But I cant help it, if I think something is bad, my OCD will latch onto it, and what if it has turned me irrepearably racist anyways?? What if there is no difference between me having actual biases and racial intrusive thoughts if both make me more on edge and stressed and MAYBE more likely to say/do something racist?? are they just the same things? if so how do I even recover, how can I move past this if its always in my head? How can I trust myself when racists trust themselves all the time and still are racists? Pls help, if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it.