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- 5y
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- 5y
Oh my goodness. Your story is the SAME as mine. I wasn’t formally diagnosed but I had been doing a lot of research and pure OCD and ROCD fit me to a T. After I spoke to a new therapist she ageeed. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months and I’m having some serious doubts/worries, etc. I was with him yesterday and was doing the same things that you are. Telling myself I want to break up with him, not wanting to be romantic with him, etc. It’s SO SO hard to distinguish what I’m really feeling and what the OCD is doing. You’re not alone!!
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- 5y
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having the same struggles! (Though at the same time it’s validating. I definitely feel less alone!) Gosh it’s so exhausting and so terrifying. It really feels like a never-endless cycle.
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- 5y
@Sapphic Soph I completely understand. What you wrote felt like what I am feeling. The holidays have definitely thrown me off schedule and made things worse but I have had these feelings before when my ocd is bad
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- 5y
@OCDnewbie Yeah, I find that have a lot of unscheduled time makes it flare up. Though I honestly struggle with these thoughts daily :/
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@Sapphic Soph Me too..it’s tough!! You’re not alone
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Same story of mine! We're not alone
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- 5y
I went through the same thing when dating my wife. I would always question if I loved her even though I knew deep down I did. Logically it made sense but I kept analyzing the “feeling.” And if it didn’t “feel” right then it must not be right. But that is so not the case. I would avoid crowded areas because I would have compulsions that would make me check the room and compare how pretty my girlfriend was to the others in the room. And my OCD would convince me I had to “prove” she was cute even though I knew she was. That was also the odd thing. Looking at her she was attractive...but I didn’t “feel” attracted to her. So this kept going on and on. I read a book called mindfulness with OCD and it helped so much. We have now been married 3 years and have a beautiful baby boy who is 11 months old. Keep in mind OCD attaches itself to the things that mean the most. Let me know if you need anything!
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I guess my worry is, is it OCD or is it my real feelings? I can’t tell if I’m in denial about how I feel or if it’s my OCD
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- 5y
I’m in the same boat :/ I see everyone saying “you wouldn’t have these obsessive thoughts if you didn’t care” but that phrase is just not sinking in with me (as much as I’d love it to)
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Where do you live? I’d love to help you find an OCD specialist therapist
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I go to college in Chicago!
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@Sapphic Soph Are you seeing an ERP therapist? That’s really the most proven way to get better, according to hundreds of research studies
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@Sms-NOCD Do you know NOCD offers live therapy sessions from an OCD-trained therapist directly inside of this app?
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@Sms-NOCD I’m not but I’d like to! My school has a wellness center that evaluates you, will give you up to 11 free sessions if you’d like, and then help you find a therapist. I’d also like to look into a therapist to help with my anxiety and eating disorder recovery.
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@Sapphic Soph The problem is if you don’t see an ERP therapist most likely the therapist will make you worst. It’s kind of like if you go to a pediatrician for knee surgery you may run into challenges. Did you know that? Many people who get ERP get better within 8 weeks.
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@Sms-NOCD Many colleges don’t have ERP trained therapists, but they will try to give you inadequate treatment without understanding the implications
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- 5y
@Sms-NOCD If you want to find an ERP therapist that is affordable and can help you get better, NOCD offers a free 15 min phone call. The intake team on the call is trained to give you info about seeing an OCD specialty therapist who treats using ERP via the NOCD app (all live video-conferencing therapy) or if that isn’t a fit, they will help you connect to someone in the Chicago area who can help you get better
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Ya OCD is like that. Are you doing ERP with a therapist with specialty training in OCD?
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I’m not. I live in a small town and therapists are hard to come by. I am trying to get another appointment. I’m a teacher and we have winter break right now so being out of routine has really upped my OCD. I’m just unsure what exercises would help??
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@OCDnewbie It’s not just about exercises- it’s about finding a therapist who can understand the exact challenge you are having and who can develop a really strong treatment plan accordingly. It takes specialty training, but most people get better significantly in 4-8 weeks after starting (and the hell that comes with OCD goes away).
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@Sms-NOCD What state do you live in?
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@Sms-NOCD I live in New York state
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@OCDnewbie NOCD therapy will be there next month and all they charge is a copay per session of $25. If you want to get on the list to know when it comes out in New York, email info@nocdhelp.com
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@Sms-NOCD How does it work? I pay currently through insurance and making expensive payments out of pocket will too difficult.
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@OCDnewbie It’s structured just like insurance copay. You pay $25 per session and get the treatment. (About 8 sessions).
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How do you go about searching for those providers?
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Search for OCD specialty on psychology today. Then go to the therapists website and see if he or she specializes in ERap
Related posts
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- 23w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
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- 5w
Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.
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- 5w
for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.
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