This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having the same struggles! (Though at the same time it’s validating. I definitely feel less alone!) Gosh it’s so exhausting and so terrifying. It really feels like a never-endless cycle.

@Sapphic Soph I completely understand. What you wrote felt like what I am feeling. The holidays have definitely thrown me off schedule and made things worse but I have had these feelings before when my ocd is bad

@OCDnewbie Yeah, I find that have a lot of unscheduled time makes it flare up. Though I honestly struggle with these thoughts daily :/

@Sapphic Soph Me too..it’s tough!! You’re not alone

I’m in the same boat :/ I see everyone saying “you wouldn’t have these obsessive thoughts if you didn’t care” but that phrase is just not sinking in with me (as much as I’d love it to)

I go to college in Chicago!

@Sapphic Soph Are you seeing an ERP therapist? That’s really the most proven way to get better, according to hundreds of research studies

@Sms-NOCD Do you know NOCD offers live therapy sessions from an OCD-trained therapist directly inside of this app?

@Sms-NOCD I’m not but I’d like to! My school has a wellness center that evaluates you, will give you up to 11 free sessions if you’d like, and then help you find a therapist. I’d also like to look into a therapist to help with my anxiety and eating disorder recovery.

@Sapphic Soph The problem is if you don’t see an ERP therapist most likely the therapist will make you worst. It’s kind of like if you go to a pediatrician for knee surgery you may run into challenges. Did you know that? Many people who get ERP get better within 8 weeks.

@Sms-NOCD Many colleges don’t have ERP trained therapists, but they will try to give you inadequate treatment without understanding the implications

@Sms-NOCD If you want to find an ERP therapist that is affordable and can help you get better, NOCD offers a free 15 min phone call. The intake team on the call is trained to give you info about seeing an OCD specialty therapist who treats using ERP via the NOCD app (all live video-conferencing therapy) or if that isn’t a fit, they will help you connect to someone in the Chicago area who can help you get better

I’m not. I live in a small town and therapists are hard to come by. I am trying to get another appointment. I’m a teacher and we have winter break right now so being out of routine has really upped my OCD. I’m just unsure what exercises would help??

@OCDnewbie It’s not just about exercises- it’s about finding a therapist who can understand the exact challenge you are having and who can develop a really strong treatment plan accordingly. It takes specialty training, but most people get better significantly in 4-8 weeks after starting (and the hell that comes with OCD goes away).

@Sms-NOCD What state do you live in?

@Sms-NOCD I live in New York state

@OCDnewbie NOCD therapy will be there next month and all they charge is a copay per session of $25. If you want to get on the list to know when it comes out in New York, email info@nocdhelp.com

@Sms-NOCD How does it work? I pay currently through insurance and making expensive payments out of pocket will too difficult.

@OCDnewbie It’s structured just like insurance copay. You pay $25 per session and get the treatment. (About 8 sessions).

Search for OCD specialty on psychology today. Then go to the therapists website and see if he or she specializes in ERap