IM SCARED OF BEING A SEXUALITY I DONT WANT TO BE

Im scared Im scared cause I cant sleep at night anymore without feeling as though Im convinced and it mortified me cause I get extremely calm as well but also would just want to scream and kick everything, I have an intense fear of denying but I feel like the thoughts cant escape me Im scared of the possibility I keep going everywhere and everywhere and I just can't sleep I cant enjoy what I used to enjoy but I also cant currently afford any of the therapy NOCD offers. This has been such a distressing time for me not knowing who to even turn to I really try to manage on my own but I hate these thoughts so much even if I feel I need to accept I just IT HURTS ME so much!!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

anca

Date posted: 21h

I'm really really sorry, I have soocd too and I've been in the state you're in many times. Please know that this is not forever, the feelings will get less heavy, the thoughts will get less distressing, it will get easier. It sounds very cliche but it's true. It's scary now but try to find the courage to accept every feeling because it will make everything so much easier. Anxiety, fear and thoughts persist the more we resist them.

d_p

Date posted: 19h

I think I get scared whenever I accept the thought or feeling if it means Id be changing. I feel like after having it for so long like I dont feel it as much throughout the day but rather at night as I fall asleep 😞😔😭 it feels scary going through the experience. 🙏 But thank you for reaching out to me, is hard going through this by myself

anca

Date posted: 16h

@d_p I have the same fear, that once I let everything in I'm gonna have to accept a different life than the one I've known and wanted to keep living. And the fear that once you let everything in there's no going back. I still have this fear regarding certain thoughts but it's not as scary as it used to be. And I assure you that I don't even remember most of the things I thought about in my worst days now. When the anxiety goes down you can handle the doubts and the fear a lot more easily.

d_p

Date posted: 8h

@anca Thanks anca is hard I think I feel awful just now when exposed to some comments that said their thoughts were actually true and is just something I dont know how to emotionally handle :c I really wish I could afford the therapy

goofy goober

Date posted: 18h

im at this point too it’s so scary because I feel like im losing trust in myself more and more day by day, for me I suffer from a lot of guilt/shame of my thoughts (im not lesbian, but since I have a tendency of being so hard on myself the thought distress me quite a bit) and since coming to that realization I feel like I can’t be as harsh on myself and rather downplay the urgency of my thoughts

d_p

Date posted: 16h

Does it ever feel like more urgent like when it feels like is real?! Im sorry that you feel shame and guilt 😔 😭🙏 like I genuinely know for others like different sexualities aren't necessarily a bad thing but I just am scared cause I really dont want to be a different sexuality of the one I am but if I reassure myself like I keep trying to say "okay but what if....what if..." but it usually happens whenever I wake up from sleep or Im in between an unconscious state of being like when Im awake I feel like I can manage my intrusive thoughts but not as much as when Im getting ready to sleep is a scary feeling cause I feel they come automatically sometimes they're loud other times quietly...I get worried of how my body reacts too like if my throat tightens when I watch something I like and I keep thinking MY THROAT FEELS TIGHT DO I NOT LIKE THIS!?!? 😭😔🙏 and then when is something I dont like or get scared of, I feel like Im sometimes staring to check I at times feel indifferent, or confused and constantly check for a groinal response but none of it feels pleasant like it just feels, Sometimes I cant feel anything and is hard to tell Sometimes I hear a "OH MAYBE YOU LIKED IT" and Id go "OH NO BUT I DONT REALLY WANT THIS" 😭😞 And is like that 😅 Thank you for responding to my post though! I appreciate it 🙏 🥺 I just hope I can get better sleep

goofy goober

Date posted: 8h

@d_p yes I agree mentally reviewing our physical sensations is a major part of us trying to seek reassurance I get you it’s exhausting and at night I tend to feel restless when my mind just wants to roam and roam

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