Relationship OCD: stuck in guilt after reconnecting with people from my past

I'm not sure if I can weigh in or determine whether or not it's OCD vs guilt. That's a really common obsession I have in my relationship too personally. But I think for things like this, it could be helpful to just understand what each other's boundaries are. What is considered "inappropriate behavior" or "flirting" or possibly even "cheating" to each partner, towards the other sex in general. For my relationship, I feel like there was a time my girlfriend felt like she was acting a little flirty with one of her coworkers, and then felt bad about it afterwards. She confessed it to me, and then we had a conversation about that kind of stuff. Afterwards I told her, that kind of behavior did make me uncomfortable, and did hurt me a little. But I told her that, for me personally, if that kind of thing happened again in the future, that I would be okay either knowing or not knowing. So I said it would be up to her whether she would want to tell me or not. So basically we talked about what "types" of things we would want the other partner to confess, if they did them. For example, I told her, if she flirted like a tiny bit with a coworker and it didnt happen very often at all. Then I was okay with her not telling me. But I said that if she did it often and consistently with someone, then I would want to know. (But also then we talked about specific behaviors within the flirting. Like if she was lying about not having a boyfriend, being physical with them, or trying to initiate something romantic or sexual with the other person. Then I for sure would want to know and wouldn't be okay with that. But if it was like a very mild flirty comment that didnt go anywhere. And it didn't happen regularly. Then I said I didn't need to know about each specific comment) Sorry that was really long-winded. But I think stuff like this can sometimes just be a question of boundaries. So it might be a helpful conversation to have with your partner sometime in the future. But, if you suspect the anxiety is being fueled by OCD instead of wanting to honor the boundaries of your partner, then I would wait for awhile before having that kind of conversation, and practicing sitting with the discomfort of not knowing for certain. So that maybe you can have just a healthy conversation about overall boundaries with your partner sometime in the future. (And then after you understand their boundaries well at a conceptual level, then you can decide if this specific thing is something you think your partner would want to know)

But also, self compassion is also always important with this. Just because you cant figure out the answer to complicated questions in relationships, doesnt mean that you deserve to feel tortured by stuff like this for the rest of your life. Nobody's perfect and everyone makes mistakes. And even though you dont have certainty, I imagine that you love your partner and want to honor them. It's always good to focus on trying to live according to your values in the here and now! (advice that I've heard in a lot of the nocd content that I've seen so far)