Rough start

I don’t understand how to stop mental compulsions. I feel weak that I can’t let go of someone that doesn’t want me anymore, but everything reminds me of her and then my mind spirals. I love her but that’s not enough and coming to grips with that feels impossible. It feels like this is a cycle I’m fated to repeat in all my relationships because I can’t defeat the spiral. Does anyone have any advice other than not to interact with the intrusive thoughts because that just doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it’s my ADHD hyperfocus or a lack of understanding but I can’t seem to make that work.

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

First things first breakups are hard with it without OCD so some of what you're experiencing is probably fairly normal heartbreak. Feeling low, sad, being reminded etc is part of the experience especially if you cared for her deeply. In terms of not interacting one thing I find difficult and had to spend a lot of time thinking about (ironic I know!) is what does not interacting mean. I kinda took it to mean I wouldn't even notice the thoughts/feelings and was very confused as it just seemed impossible. I think a better, more real aim is the second phase and trying to control that. One of my big issues at the moment is I constantly analyse whether I'm feeling better/worse/is anxiety there/how is my mood. I can't control the first feeling it's automatic but I can (with real difficulty and effort) control the second stage. So one of my aims now is when I notice the feeling my aim is to simply say "monitoring" rather than "oh so how am I feeling, what does this mean, am I better than 1 minute ago etc". It's hard, I perhaps succeed currently about 10% of the time. My aim at the moment isn't 100%. It's 11% then 12...

Mando87

Date posted: 19h

@titaniumonetwo I just had to leave work because it was too much and now I feel even worse

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 18h

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

Mando87

Date posted: 18h

@Community AI Helper Sure

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 18h

@Mando87 - Sorry you're having such a rough day — that's a lot to carry, especially at work. The confusion you're describing — "don't interact with the thoughts, but that doesn't make sense to me" — is actually one of the most common sticking points with mental compulsions, and there's a real explanation for why the advice feels confusing. This article gets into exactly that: "Stopping mental compulsions is not thought-stopping" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/stopping-mental-compulsions-is-not-thought-stopping Written by Alegra Kastens, LMFT, this clarifies the key distinction: you can't stop involuntary thoughts from arising, but you can stop actively engaging with them through rumination, mental reviewing, and self-reassurance. That's the part you actually have control over — and it's what OCD treatment specifically targets. 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

Mando87

Date posted: 15h

@Community AI Helper 4

Dana at NOCD

User type: Staff

Date posted: 12h

@Mando87 - Hi, this is Dana, one of the NOCD staff helping monitor the community. Thanks for sharing that quick feedback! We are trying our best to do what we can to help share resources that are beneficial. Glad the resources shared were helpful!

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