‘False’ attraction in HOCD

@Cat-Mom Think I suffered with ROCD a while ago for a very long time, I understand what you are going through and hope you pull through quickly. How bad was your SOOCD? it’s been nearly two years now with the ‘false’ attractions is the worse of it all, the attraction to opposite sex has slightly come back.

@What is happening to me The onset of mine was early May as my boyfriend and I were preparing to move in together. I was having relationship doubts over being worried if I was attracted to him, if I loved him, if I missed him when he was gone, etc., but then an article caused the SO-OCD to blow up. Because I had questioned my sexuality in the past and I think had experienced a pull to certain queer women when out at bars, in an art class, etc., but nothing about these experiences were really sexual. When it got bad, I was sobbing most of the day. I couldn’t sleep, I barely ate, I just thought and talked about it ALL DAY and how convinced I was this must be it. I was devastated. The only thing that kept me somewhat functioning was a community theater production I was in at the time that I had a decent role. Being on stage was the one time I was able to disconnect from the thoughts. At work, I was a wreck for most of the day, thought about how I’m hardly attracted to any of the men in the office. I didn’t really fantasize about women in that time. I just really focused on women and how I usually thought they looked better than men, how I think the male body isn’t as fun to draw as a woman’s, etc., my lack of childhood crushes, all of these things that made me certain that I was in fact a total lesbian. Mind you, at the time of my spiral I was trying to wean off Sertraline to see if it was dulling my emotions/sex drive. I’ve been on it since childhood, and got to my lowest ever dose when the thoughts were getting worse. Since then I’ve more than doubled my dose combined with ERP, and it’s been incredible the difference in quality of life I have.

@Cat-Mom I just can’t cope the attraction to same sex. It haunts me every second. My head constantly hurts, I can’t do anything (watch movies, shopping, sports) without this feeling that my orientation has changed. Thank you very much for the support.

@What is happening to me Believe me, I get it. I had a setback a couple of days ago with a compulsion I tried to redirect into exposure. Luckily I think being at a higher dose of Zoloft now has kept the anxiety part of it low, but the thoughts are still present. One thing I’ve done to cope with it is make jokes. So I’ve told my boyfriend I’m “feeling gay” or “might just have to leave him now that I’m a lesbian”! This takes the power away from it a bit, I think, and allows me to turn the anxious energy into something lighthearted. Not sure if that’s something you’d be interested in!

@minioooons Really hope you pull through quickly. This has been the worse 2 years of my life without a doubt