Engagement and OCD

I’m really glad you posted this. This can be a scary thing to deal with in your own head or in your own journal, so I hope you know you’re not alone. I’m laying in bed this morning feeling some of these same thoughts about my partner, and sometimes it’s feels like I’m the only one in the entire world who has “negative” thoughts about their partner. If you’re ever open to advice, I’d love to share a resource you might find helpful.

The update is that I did actually break things off fully with my fiancé. I was not handling my anxiety in a healthy way with my OCD and that definitely needs some attention and healing. However, there were underlying problems throughout our time together that needed resolving for us to be healthy. We have said that we both hope this end isn’t forever but recognise we need to grow and change as people and any new attempt at a relationship would have to be very different. And thus it needed to end. The long and short of it is - I compulsively broke up with him to get rid of my panic and that is not good. OCD was the catalyst but not in the driving seat for staying apart - in fact it was the opposite - screaming at me not to leave. Any fellow OCD warrior reading this, I know it feels impossible but you must trust yourself. In the quiet moments where I utilised ERP and my brain settled down, I actually knew what I needed to do. Even though leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done. (Even now ROCD is screaming that I will forever be alone and have made the biggest mistake of my life) but trusting myself and my decisions and believing that I can cope and find my way will be what gets me through.