What’s going on?

I’m really confused about my feelings for my boyfriend and I don’t know what to trust anymore. A while ago, I started getting really strong thoughts about breaking up with him. It didn’t feel like a random thought or just an urge. It felt like I genuinely wanted to break up, and that scared me because I love him and didn’t understand why I was feeling that way. I kept asking myself, “Did I actually want to leave him? Why did I feel that way so strongly? Shouldn’t I feel more upset? Why wasn’t I scared enough?” Now I constantly question whether I love him. Sometimes I ask myself, “Do I even love him?” and my brain immediately says no. Then I panic and think, “What? Why can’t I prove to myself that I do love him?” I keep wondering if my brain somehow knows something about my feelings that I haven’t realized yet.When I’m alone, the breakup thoughts and doubts can feel extremely real. I start thinking things like:Do I even care about him?Do I want to break up with him?What if I don’t actually love him? What if I’m too scared to realize that I don’t? What if we break up later in the school year? Why am I not scared enough?Why don’t I feel more worried about losing him?But then when I’m actually with him, things can be completely different. I can feel happy seeing him. Sometimes I get this huge smile when I see him and feel so happy I could cry. I want him close to me. I can be affectionate and lovey dovey with him. Sometimes I feel comforted just being around him. I’ve also enjoyed flirting with him and sometimes things feel completely natural. That’s what makes me so confused. If I really wanted to leave him, why can I feel so happy and affectionate when I’m actually with him? But then when I’m alone again, my brain starts asking if I even care.One time when he came over, I was already anxious and overwhelmed. I wanted to hug him and I asked for a kiss, but while I was doing those things I suddenly started thinking, “Am I doing this naturally? Am I showing my parents something? Am I proving something?” I wanted to hug him, but then I started analyzing whether my affection was genuine. Sometimes I can recognize that something he does is cute or that I would normally find him attractive, but I don’t get the emotional “aww, my baby” feeling I expect. I’ll know intellectually that something is cute, but emotionally it can feel empty, like I expected something to happen inside me and it didn’t. That scares me because then I think, “What if I don’t love him?” or “What if everything I’m doing is fake?”I’ve also noticed that sometimes I can know that I’m attracted to him but not actually feel the attraction strongly in the moment. It’s like I know I find him attractive, but I can’t access the feeling I expect to have. I also sometimes notice other guys are attractive, and then I immediately panic and wonder what that means. I’ll think, “Why do I care about other guys? Am I pushing my boyfriend away?” I don’t necessarily want them, but noticing someone else can become another thing I analyze. Another thing that scares me is looking at my boyfriend’s pictures. Sometimes I look at him and feel like I’ve lost him or like he’s disappeared from me. It can feel like he became a background character or like I forgot about him. Then I panic and think, “Where is the love? Why don’t I feel it?” The weirdest part is that sometimes I’ll think, “Okay, maybe I don’t love him,” and then immediately I feel like, “WAIT, I don’t want that.” I can get really upset or want to cry. It feels like two parts of my brain are fighting. Recently, I started a new school year and I was extremely tired, anxious, overwhelmed, and had a headache. I noticed that my emotions felt even harder to access. I kept asking myself whether I loved him, and then when I saw him I became really happy and affectionate again. But afterward I questioned that happiness too. I don’t know if I’m experiencing ROCD, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, feeling detached from the moment, or something else. I want help understanding why I feel so confused and why I can’t seem to trust my own feelings.I especially want to understand why I can feel so happy and affectionate when I’m with him, but then when I’m alone my mind immediately starts asking whether I want to break up, whether I care, and whether I even love him.I’m honestly exhausted