Rocd experience

Hi! I’m new here and trying not to change this into a compulsion/reassurance seeking but maybe someone can give some feedback, opinion, advice. I have dealt with overthinking since I started seeing my bf/now dating for some time (before that we also had a thing for two months but i started questioning myself and basically couldn’t handle the anxiety and ended it). When we started again I decided I’m not backing out just because of anxiety and thoughts because I did that once and then just another theme showed up again lol. Anyways I thought with time anxiety would go away, but I always had intrusive thoughts (feeling anxious and wondering if this means he isnt the one, if i dont want this, if i cant develop feelings). Obv was kinda hard at the beginning because I have just started to get to know him, so there is naturally a lot of uncertainty. After two months of anxiety (usually when with him it subsided, but I sometimes had like “off” feeling that I couldn’t explain and was afraid it “means” sth.). Anyways I pushed through and actually got to know him (even tho all the time when I’m alone i was pestered by some thought, like “is he a bad person”, “what if this is intuition” etc.), and developed feelings for him (i love him a lot, never had someone so good for me). But now he left for exchange and immediately I was deeply hit with thoughts like “what if you know this isn’t it”, “you’re lying to yourself”, “you want to leave” etc. And obv they make me dreadful and anxious and then I constantly check for my feelings, what i feel, what is true or not. I pay a lot of attention to any body sensation/feeling when I say statements to myself. I also have a problem because then I’m like “well you could like/love him but not enough or the feelings won’t grow. And I get very scared and bothered what if I lose feelings (cause it is easier when he was physically here). I also then get anxious when we call because like “why don’t you feel this and that” or i get thoughts inbetween like “you know this isnt it”. Sometimes i cry, sometimes i laugh. Anyway I could go and on but this is too long anyways haha maybe it helps someone

Relationship OCD

byeeocd

Date posted: 19h

Also to add, I am on medication (2 months) and in therapy for some time already:)

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

I have been having relationship ocd and it caused me to go to therapy for the sake of my relationship. I know how you feel, however I will not provide you any reassurance because in the long run it won’t help you. My advice is take this ti your therapist and make sure that the therapy that you are doing is erp. Essentially you are supposed to sit in that feeling of dread and not perform a compulsion (checking feelings, fighting back and fourth with the thoughts, confessing, going to AI/your bf/ loved ones). You have to sit in it and say a neutral phrase like this may happen, he may be a bad person, our relationship could end. The neutral phrase doesn’t feed the ocd. Also what my therapist told me is that OCD will have you in the past and future so you won’t be in the present with your partner. You are letting it take away the now so you can experience those thoughts and still be in your relationship. This is what I learned from therapy! Make sure you get ERP therapy and talk to your therapist about all of these feelings, they will guide you on what actions to take!

byeeocd

Date posted: 10h

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your reply. It is hard because I am also on medication, just increased my dose today and I felt somewhat less anxious and better but the thoughts still can come or more so the feeling in my body like sth is off. I try not to ruminate and focus too much on it. But then i fall into the trap of being like “why can’t i feel love” “why can’t i feel longing” and like try to force the certain feeling i know i felt sometimes when with him, but i can’t. If this even makes sense?

Anonymous

Date posted: 7h

@byeeocd You’re welcome. I understand how you feel. The best thing to do is to not get rid of the discomfort and live life with it. Without being a compulsion spend time with your bf. Whatever you feel in that moment accept it. The more you push away the stronger ocd gets! You got this!

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